The too-long post with too many random things

I’m looking at the world through black-tinted eyes now…




No need to read anything deep or significant into it. I bought a new pair of shades, my first ever, and wanted to show off. That’s all.


May I take a moment to say ‘Thank god it’s Friday!’ *doing the very popular and trendy step that Himi grooves to in ‘Tandoori Nights’ from Karzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*




Isn't he just priceless? I want to marry him and have nasal-voiced cap-wearing babies with him.

I got another award! Yay!!!

I was given the ‘Your Blog is Great/Tell me about yourself’ Award by Ashwini. Thanks Ashwini!



And I have to write seven random things about myself, yet again. Random, you say? Alright. Random, I’ll write.

1) I hate it when people ask me the power of my spectacles. Keep in mind, people (note this down, if you want)- Never ask a girl her age and her chashme ka power.

2) I don’t watch T.V too much, but when I do watch something interesting, then I’m deaf and blind to the rest of the world. These days, if someone calls me at night in between 9:00 PM and 10:00 PM, this is how I reply. “HelloI’mwatchingMasterChefAustraliaI’llcallyoulaterokbye”. And if someone comes over, I mostly tell them on their face to get out soon, before the commercial break gets over.

3) I wish to give my voice for an animation feature at least once in my life. I used to do a lot of ads when I was in Red FM, and I also did other voice-over assignments (If you pick up your phone and it’s one of those IVR messages from a mobile service provider, don’t hang up immediately. That might just be my voice :/) It’s an art, knowing how to modulate your voice, bring emotion into it, maintain a pace, and sound pleasing to the ears. I used to absolutely love doing it. I had done a show for AIR long back, in college, and that’s when I fell in love with that whole exercise. But I lost touch with it once I quit Red. I really want to get back to it now. Before I spoil my voice with too much ice-cream and chilled Slice.

4) I drop my mobile phone on an average of two times per day. Once I got down from a cab and heard a crunch. I searched for my phone but couldn’t find it. There it was, safely wedged between my foot and the road.

5) I’m so confused, I could give Confucious a complex.

6) I love imli. I can sit and eat a whole packet full of imli candies at one go without so much as a wince. I used to finish off a whole dabba of Hajmola Imli in three days. And no, I didn’t kill anyone with toxic gases.

7) Umm.. Ok, this one’s a little embarrassing, but it’s time I admitted it and found a solution to this. I cannot sleep if there is anyone else on my bed next to me. I may drift off a bit, but I just cannot sleep. My mom once slept next to me, and in her sleep, put her arms around me. I woke up shouting “Ayyo ayyo! Somebody put their hands on me!” Amma doesn’t sleep next to me much anymore. Do you think I should put this on my matrimonial ad? "25, post graduate, has issues sharing bed with anyone."

What? Random only I wrote off no?

I’m supposed to give the award away to a few more bloggers. I thought I’ll take this opportunity to give it to some of the new blogs that I recently started reading and who I haven’t awarded yet. (No offence to the veterans. You guys still rock).

a) Krishna Sruthi Srivalsan- From the ashes

b) Sushmit- Blogwati

c) Atrocious Scribblings

d) Supernickkk- The devil’s workshop

e) Kalpak- Noises of my empty vessel

f) Darsh- Serenading Serendipity

g) Deepthi- Confessions of a life-a-holic

So there you go. Please do go over and read each of them if you already haven't.

# My current favoutire song of my jaanu Himi.



I keep humming "No touching no touching. Only seeing only seeing. No kissing no kissing. Only seeing only seeing." What lyrics, no? And I like how his mouth is constantly open in the song. So sesky.

Shake that biscuit baybe. Shake it for me!

Happy weekending!

The Effing blog

So ages ago, before even the wheel was invented, I asked Mr.Ranjith Raj, one of my favourite bloggers, to write a guest post for me.

The first thing that got me reading his blog was the blog name. I distinctly remember, when I opened his page, I did a quick check to look around and ensure that no one was around me, lest they think I'm surfing porn in the office. He's honest, funny, unpretentious (well, maybe a little, like all Mallu guys :P). And he writes awesomely. If only he would write more often. He's a celebrity of sorts, with his pic and blog being featured in a Bangalore daily recently(Ah!! So THAT's why you put up one 'sumukhan susheelan' pic in your birthday post!!)

So without further ado, presenting to you :-
R-A-J from fucklove!

And dude, just so you know, if I ever do get kicked out of my job for allegedly surfing porn, you'll have to pay me blogmony (the bloggers' version of alimony).

Over to you...

***

The future of the blogginzzz...

The news is that Divya the most useful, asked me, the most useless, to guest blog on her impressive site.

Her mandate was that my post should be funny. I suggested to her than in that case, I could write about my life plans; everyone seems to laugh at them, but then she said it also had to be sensible. (Damn! :( )

So as I thought about what to write on, I thought I could write on ‘time management’ considering that she told me that she needed this piece within a week. And I also faintly remember that she told me the same some two months back. Brilliant time management skills I have, I know, I know… :)

On blogspace, we follow each other. We’re avid bloggers and she’s more active on the blogspace than I am – while she posts, waits and posts more, I wait, post and wait more. Also, a good chunk of people come to my blog from hers.

And that’s when it struck me of the growing number of friends that I’m making because of the bloggingz, Divya being one of them. I mean, in my heart, I know that if these fellow bloggers had known me in real life, they’d probably have gunned me down by now because of my good behavior (like they say, some people are still alive cos it’s illegal to kill them!) But in blogspace, I’m making a lot of friends which is pretty much the opposite of what is happening in my real life. :)

So in the light of this new medium which has given me new friends, my bright idea is: - to write on …..The future of Indian bloggingz!!! (…tada…)

So what is the bloggingz? Well, like the poet once said, Bloggingz is one of the greater movements that has democratized the net – anybody with a keyboard, reasonable writing skills and varied levels of sanity can write about anyone, anyhow and anywhere. Of course, in India, Facebook provides a better means for this. But FB is still about one liners; but think you this about this really cool idea – people try really hard to come up with smart and witty facebook status updates but if you could take all the status messages that really awed u and collate it into one place, you’d have one absolutely great read! For example, when Steve Jobs passed away, the many facebook updates changed from the mere informative (“RIP Steve Jobs”) in the morning to more intellectual ones by afternoon (quoting his Stanford speech) to the creative ones in the evening (see cool pic here). Just collating all of these status updates would have created one hell of a great write up on Master Jobs! And a blog and the bloggingz are a lot similar! It’s a collation of thoughts, structured into a fine flow with the guiding force of its popularity always being – “the cooler the content, the better the blog”.

In the west, bloggingz went from proliferation, communities (a la Indiblogger) the eventual consolidation and the resurgence of niche blogs. In India, bloggingz is still in the nascent phase but as long as nothing can beat the magic of a great read, even Rajni agrees that the future of the bloggingz is supposedly secure.

So how is the bloggginz scene in the India? Well, people smarter than me say that in India, the whole bloggingz cycle has been going strong and is still in the proliferation phase. Sure there is attrition in the existing set of bloggers due to the inherent challenge of maintaining quality content, but more and more mango peoples are getting into the Indian bloggingz bandwagon through better net connectivity, lower net usage rates and to satisfy that innate need for self expression. Following are some of the trends that me thinkz shall impact the futurezz of the Indian bloggingz:

•The 4 Cs of any successful blog are content, content, content and content.

•Facebook, Twitter and other social media tools will empower bloggers, contrary to the naysayers’ view that social media will weaken bloggingz.

•Women bloggers are increasing – however at last count, men still outnumber women 3 to 1 in India.

•Majority of Indian bloggers still have a casual approach to bloggingz and with time, more will crack open the monetization angle, thereby increasing the incidence of bloggers who make money out of their blogs.

•The growing association of mainstream brands with bloggingz shall increase, though I’m not sure if they have yet figured out how to make the most of this medium.

•One’s blog will be another added facet to one’s personality in the future.

•And the bestest thing about the bloggingz is that people with abysmally low levels of intelligence like me, can use big, big words like democratized, proliferation , consolidation, moneti….etc and still get away with it… :)


And as for the funny in this post…..

Well, an old man walks into a saloon thinking it’s a restaurant.

So the old man, “What do you have?”. So the barber, “Cutting and Shaving”.

So the old man, “OK, bring me a plate of both then!” :)
(For the mallus out there, the real deal here.)

Bloggingz rules man! My jokes clearly don’t! :)

Just december dat!

:)


Research/plagiarism references: watblog.com, google, indiblogger, own gut.. :)

***

In case you were wondering why his blog is named so, here is why, from the man himself. And while you're there, read the rest of his blog too. When you've finished laughing, come thank me.

Random Monday

Ek fairness cream jo sab kuch karta hain.

Ha, sab kuch. Aapko gora banata hain, jawaan banata hain. Ghar saaf karta hain, barthan dhotha hai, kapde dhotha hain, khaana banata hai, jhaado-poncha martha hain, baccho ke sussu-potty dhotha hai, subah-subah aapko neend se jagaatha hai, aapke liye chai-naashta banata hai. Raat ko kahaniyaan bhi sunata hai. Zaroorat pade tho khujli bhi karke deta hain.

Aapka fairness cream kya karta hain?

Do you want it to be translated into Inglees? Alright then.

A fairness cream that does everything.

Yes, everything. It’ll make you fairer, make you look younger. Cleans your house, washes vessels, washes clothes, cooks, does sweeping-swabbing, cleans your kid’s sussu-potty, wakes you up in the morning, makes chai-breakfast for you. Tells you stories at bedtime. If required, it’ll do scratching also for you.

What does your fairness cream do?

P.S 1:- No, haven't gone bonkers. Have you seen the new Olay fairness cream ad? If they make anymore fairness creams, all Indian women are going to look like ghosts.

P.S 2:- Please go read this lady’s blog if you haven’t yet. Very different, very funny.

Just love this song.


Edited to add: Yippe! The Youtube thingy works! Thanks, you guys! :)

The 10-day 'You' Challenge- Seven Wants

I had almost forgotten about this.


1) Money
What? You thought I was some Mother Theresa types?

When I had just finished my M.A., I was one of those who didn’t consider money very important. I was all “What matters is whether I learn the job well and how much I love my job. Money is the last priority.” Ya, that lasted for like, four months. Being perpetually broke is not a great state of being, you see. And it’s not like I want crores and crores of money. No. I just want enough. And how much is enough? I guess that’s relative.

For me, enough would be- if I suddenly get the craving to eat something, I shouldn’t have to think twice about it. If I see a pretty saree and want to buy it for mom, I shouldn’t have to forego something else for it. If I want to buy a bottle of Scotch for dad, I should be able to do it without worrying about whether I’ll have enough money to buy ration for the month. There’s a pretty watch that I think my sister will like, I want to be able to buy it without any worry. If someone in my family falls ill, I want to be able to catch a flight and get there as soon as possible. Or if I fall ill, I should have enough for the hospital bills (which can be exorbitant) If a friend needs money, I want to be able to lend it to him/her. When I’m tired at the end of the day, I want to be able to take an auto without worrying that that’s my dinner money I’m spending and will now have to manage with Maggi.
Is this asking for too much?

2) My own house.
Beautiful houses take me to orgasmic heights (Oh c’mon. Loosen that muscle, will you?). I’m an absolute sucker for them. I’ve stared at houses on the road enough to make the watchmen suspicious of me. I have practically drooled over those coffee-table books that you find in bookstores which have pictures of gorgeous houses. And a house of my own is one of my fondest dreams. I have it all planned out in my head. What the rooms will look like, the verandah (very very important), a ‘nook’, a large airy bedroom with lots of windows- I have it all mapped out. Now all I need is lots of money- or a rich husband, whichever happens first. ;)

And if I want to paint my bedroom purple, I damn well will!!!

3) To travel
I want to see at least my own state properly. People here in Hyderabad tell me “Wow, Kerala is a beautiful place no? Aleppey, Munnar, etc..” And I’m like “Err..ya. So I’ve heard!” I haven’t seen my own state properly! I need to go back there as a tourist one day and roam around. And then I want to travel the rest of India. There’s so much to see, so little money (it’s amusing, isn’t it, how I connect everything to money. Or maybe not. Sigh…).

4) To open a bookstore.
No surprises here, since I love bookstores so much. I want to open one of those quaint little stores with stone benches outside and winding wooden staircase inside (yes, I’m a BIG fan of Enid Blyton). Not too big, but a cozy little place where people can come sit and read and unwind.

5) My own bakery
Isn’t it heavenly, the scent that greets you when you walk into a bakery? I love it. I’ve always been fascinated by cakes and pastries etc. And some day, I want to learn how to bake those wonderful things and start my own bakery. Of course, that I might end up eating most of the things myself is another matter.

6) To write a book.
Ha… someday.

7) To be an awesome cook. And have a fabulous kitchen.


I love cooking. Especially if there is someone else to cook for. If I’m alone, I’ll probably cook just Maggi or pasta or khichdi. But if there is someone I can cook for, I give it my best. It’s the second best feeling in the world when others appreciate my cooking, the first one being appreciation for my writing. And I’m not the kind who can manage with just three spoons and two utensils. I need specific vessels for everything. And I obsess for days if I mess up a dish. It’s the only positive trait I managed to inherit from Mumsy darling.


# Is anyone out there as much a lover of old Hindi songs as I am? Here's one of my all-time favourites.
By the way, how do I add a Youtube video to my post as not just a link, but the actual video?

In case you are scratching your head over what this is all about:-
Ten Secrets, Nine Loves and Eight Fears.

Shades of blue

FB is like this annoying ex-boyfriend who I have broken up with but still can’t stop talking about, even if it is to bitch about him. Remember Carrie obsessing over Big?

So while I’m happy that I deactivated my account, I leave no oppurtunity to tell people that I quit FB. I get some sort of weird pleasure when they get shocked and ask me why, and I answer “Because I got bored.” Some think I quit because ‘something happened’. Some think I’m just plain mental to have quit. Some others think I’ll be back sooner than I can say ‘I’m bored.’

So here’s the real reason why I quit.

I had absolutely nothing to do on it. I mean, I had stopped updating status messages (my creativity had shriveled down to the size of goat poop), I hardly uploaded pics, I never logged on to chat, I rarely changed my profile pic, I had stopped linking my blog posts also. And yet, I logged on every half an hour. For what joy? God knows. And then when I see that nothing new is happening, I would get pissed off all over again. I would worry over taking a good picture so that I would get a lot of likes and comments on it. Taking pics was not about preserving memories anymore. It was for the sole purpose of uploading it on FB. And the quirkier the picture, the better. Normal is boring, you see.

The worst part? I see my friends- girls I studied in school and college with- getting married and having babies. First the green-eyed monster rears its head. Then the blue-toned monster takes over- depression (what an irony that the colour of FB is also blue). Depression that I’m not married, that I’m not even close to getting married. That I don’t have a baby. That the only vacation I take is to TVM and B’lore. That I’m constantly broke by the end of the month. That I don’t have a kick-ass figure like that old friend who used to be fat in school. That I don’t have radiant skin and perfect hair like the wife of the most geeky guy in class. That compared to many people I had studied with, I've reached nowhere in life.

It was getting stressful. And frustrating. Honestly. I mean, ya, I know I should be thankful for a lot many things that I have in life. And I am thankful for all that.

But sometimes, I just go into one of those moods where I mope and mourn over what I don’t have and how badly I want it. Where it hits me real hard that I have absolutely no direction in life.

I’m sorry. I’m just going through a crappy phase right now. Will be back with less-depressing posts soon. If my creativity hasn’t shriveled down to the size of a mustard by then. I promise.