July 18, 2011

The Mermaids and Mermen

Dedicated to all the drunkards out there, especially, my drunken friends.

Have you noticed that there are many kinds of drunk people out there? Let me tell you.

1) The emotional ones.
After two pegs, they become sappy and emotional. They start recollecting the old times, how good life was back then, and most of all, they say ‘I love you’ to everyone and anyone. They might even say ‘I love you’ to the guy who delivered food. Trust me, it’s a treat to have them around.

2) The debaters
They might be quiet as a mouse when sober, but when drunk, they have to debate about everything under the sun. The budget, Indo-Pak, Katrina Kaif’s accent, who has a better ass- Kareena or Priyanka, etc. You get the picture. If you’re drinking with them, be careful not to get too vocal, they might just throw a glass at you or break a beer bottle on your head.

3) The singers/musicians.
The hidden/ aspiring singer in them comes out after a couple of drinks. And the ones who are already singers and musucians go full-throttle. Then it’s a night-long gaanamela. Trust me, it’s fun, whether they sing well or not.

4) The sobbers
They cry. They just cry. For reasons known, unknown, unfathomable- they cry. For things lost, for things unattainable, for actions regretted, for words spoken wrongly, for a speck of dust on the floor, for power-cut, for water-shortage, for a dress that doesn’t fit anymore. All they need is a patient ear. And a box of tissues.

5) The phone-callers
Once they’re drunk, they simply HAVE to call someone. Even if it is at 2 in the morning, they have to call and talk to someone. And these guys will not have the faintest memory of what they spoke the last night in the morning. They will check their call log, see that they made a call, and will call the person and ask them what they spoke. More often than not, it will be something very very embarrassing.

6) The gigglers/ Happy high-ers.
They giggle at everything. Even the saddest of PJ’s will set off a giggle-fit, and it’s hard to stop them. They’re nice to have in the group because they break any sort of tension the debaters might cause. They’re generally very happy once drunk and have a smile plastered on their faces all throughout.

7) The Dhinchaks.
They simply have to dance to Bollywood dhin-chak numbers once they’re drunk. And that too at full volume.

8) The intellectual ones.
They start quoting Nietzsche and Whatsisname. Sometimes, they might be quoting themselves, but make it sound as though some great philosopher said it. And they will suddenly remember theories that they had learnt in university. Slight pain-in-the-you-know-where to have them around if you are not the kind who wants to listen to intellectual nonsense when the original plan was to unwind after a long hard week.

9) The ramblers
They just go off the tangent. They’ll start at Point A, go to Point K, and end up in Point Y, never to return to Point A. They might not even need an audience.

10) The brats.
They become absolutely difficult to have around. They’ll sulk, they’ll cry, they pout, they’ll demand for booze at three in the morning, and will make a scene if you don’t get it for them. The brattiness is cute initially, but after a while, you’ll just want to give them one on their ass and tell them to shove it.

And then there are those who think they’ve lost their nose. :)

What kind are you? And how many other kinds do you think there are?


  1. hehehehhe really funny.absolutely agree.i am the philosophical,debater and laughing kind. nice piece

  2. Hahaha agreed. Once I got drunk, just ONCE of course :P and started screaming at dad! He was terrified and well angry, lol :D It's fun being around these people. I don't drink cause I detest the smell but sometimes is fun :) Drunkards, the cute ones are cool :D

  3. I think your pretty much touched base with the common ones. I once had a crying, a dancing and need to call someone drunk at the same time. Phew.

    I am a silent drunk who wants to sleep :P I just wont talk :P

  4. :D
    Are you sure you aren't a stand up comedian?

    Awesome post, had me rofl-ing..

  5. @maniac.hunter: Thanks! So you're a mixed breed, is it? :)

    @DawnZhang: Girl, NEVER drink in front of parents if they aren't the cool-with-my-kids-drinking kind! I keep my phone away from me when I'm drinking, lest I call up my dad and mom and talk some rubbish that I will have no idea about the next day. :/

    @Srinidh: Ah yes, the quiet ones. I wrote that as number 9 and then deleted it. :P But they do deserve special mention. And you had to handle all three at one time?? Phew is right. :D

    @Priyanka: Nope, I swear I'm not a stand-up comedian. :) Too lazy to stand up and crack jokes (Horrible one, I know :/).

  6. Ioooooooooooo...pwahahahahaha!!
    I love the categorisation
    I am the composite one
    I have a little bit of everything...maybe depends on wht i drink :P
    Vodka makes me giggle....

  7. awesome post....I've seen the singers and the debaters a lot...have an uncle who starts singing old songs every time he is drunk. although hes pretty bad at it. One of my dad's friends always asked dad to sing once he (the friend) got drunk while he shaked his head and say "wah wah bhaisahab". :D

    i am the quiet-want-to-sleep kinds. also like to debate some times.

  8. Oooh an awesome post. I usually end up being a giggler and a sobber. Yes Its scary. And then I dance too and say I love you often. So you should be adding another category as well freaks who bloody dont know how they will end up once they start drinking.

    Btw did I tell you, you have an awesome blog. Loved it.

    Nia CHarms

  9. @Red Handed: Even I'm a composite kind, a bit of everything, except the intellectual part. I can't do that even when I'm sober. :/ And vodka makes me giggle too. High- faive! :D Maybe we should drink together sometime. it'll be "Attach of the Giggles Part I". :P

    @Shirin: Thank you!
    I've seen a lot of uncles like that too. We used to make fun of them when we were kids, but now, we act pretty much in the same way. :D

    @Nia Charms: I guess it depends on what mood you're in when you sit down to drink. If you're happy, you'll be happy throughout. If you're going through a bad phase, the alcohol will just open the flodgates. It has happened to me too. I've cried, I've laughed, I've danced. :)
    And thank you so much! :)

  10. @ Spaceman spiff:
    Next time I come down, I am getting you Golconda wine from Bangalore, and lets see which kind you are :P.

    I like the 'lost-their-nose' ones the best :D

  11. @The Meditating Lion: You're always welcome to my place if you're bringing Golconda along. :)
    And yes, the nose-loser is someone I know very well. :p

  12. Lol...I have never been 'drunk' for a very strange reason. Every time I have had a sip I feel like going to the loo. I don't know why! Someone told me I must have a VERY good digestive system :p

    Oh but I have watched this drinking 'ungles'. Some go on a 'past' forward! It's annoying :D

    Mast post :)

  13. Brilliant!!.. I have an uncle who goes full on philosophy after a few pegs.. No Kant and Hegel though.. Mostly his own
    Have seen everyone of these except the dancers.
    And the most entertaining was another philosopher. He started off by quoting Freud and then insisted that I push a cat off the ledge.
    "Just a leeetle push. Leeetle"

    Very very nice. Enjoyed it :D

  14. Hey Spiff, brilliant idea of classifying drunks.. I'm like 'Wow, what a great idea! Y didnt I think of dat?!!' Superb post :)

    N as for the classification, I guess u nailed them all.. I could plant one friend of mine under each category:)

    As for me, whn I'm asleep, I'm not drunk. The opposite holds very true for me too.

    Brilliant post, Spiff :)

  15. @Destiny's Child: Come drink with me sometime. I'll make you a seasoned drunk. :P
    Thanks! :)

    @Tatterdemalion: Oh my god!! That was hilarious! I can just imagine the scene- a guy, swaying slightly from side-to-side, saying "Just a leetle push. Leetle." :D
    Thanks for dropping by. :)

    @R-A-J: Thank you! :)
    I remember a line Suraj Venjaramoodu says in a movie: "I drink only on two days a year- when it rains, and when it doesn't rain". :D I guess prettymuch the same holds for you too. ;)

  16. You forgot one group.
    Sleeping beauties:Two pegs and they are groping their way to any unoccupied bed to snore.
    No,I don't belong to the above category.I've better things to do when I'm drunk.
    I'm a mish mash.I have sang "Manja kunji kaalula chakky poochaku" on a bus drive home.Dance like crazy.Sniffed a bit.All of which I have vague memories.

  17. @Blue Lotus: Nope, didn't forget. Added it, but for some strange reason, deleted it. I very well know that kind. :)
    I've even sung my old school prayer once. This was with my school bunch, so we all got full nostalgic and started singing "Daya kar daan vidya ka humein parmatma dena" at 3 AM, that too in the balcony! :D Oh it was a fun night...
    And no matter how vague the memory is, there will always be one idiot to remind you of it all. :D

  18. Nice post. I am the giggling type.:)I remember the way i kept laughing one night.. I still ask a friend what was the joke about!! And yes,it was vodka:)

  19. Hahahahaa... good one. The singers and gigglers are absolute fun to have a drink with. Its the debaters that make me regret why I even invited them.

  20. @Avirat: I somehow cannot imagine you giggling. :D

    @Musings: True.

  21. Hah! naice! Could see one of my friend in each of the point!


  22. @Achuthan: :D We've all seen these types, haven't we? :)
    Thanks for dropping by!

  23. Hilarious categorization. Looks like someone's been religiously doing their research. :P

    If you've seen Firangs getting drunk, there's a category of dancers who suddenly start swaying without any music playing, then there are the one's who'll start talking in 5 different languages when they're up to the brim in booze and the Screamers who start giving Sermons at 4 in the morning waking up everyone in a 1 mile radius.

  24. Divya, your blog just gets better each day. I thought your blog deserved a post not a comment, so here goes:


  25. @Atrocious scribblings: Ya ya, full on research. :D
    You're right, there are the kind who start swaying without any music. I think even I've done that. :p
    Thanks for dropping by!

    @Vineeth: I'm honoured. I really don't know what to say. You've made my year. :) Thank you so much.

  26. hahahaha... donno how i missed this one. Just saw it now. Fantastic. And then there are the types who try and act as if they can balance a bottle/book/brick/all three of them on their head!! :-D ... brilliant post!

  27. @Nirvana: Oh yes! The closet-acrobats! Yup, definitely note-worthy.:D

  28. I am the sobbers, the gigglers and the ramblers kind! :D
    Hahahaha! I cry, I laugh, I talk, I act. :D


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