August 2, 2011

The 10-day 'You' Challenge- Eight fears

1) That I’ll lose my memory.
I cannot imagine a life where I won’t remember my people, places and life. I’ve mentioned it previously here. And what scares me is that I’ve started becoming quite forgetful now, which some people are mistaking for indifference. Well, it’s not, let me assure you, since it runs in my family. :/

2) Dying alone.
Freaks me out when I think about it. When I board the flight to heaven (yes, that’s where I’m going. Laugh all you want), I want everyone around me, seeing me off. When I read about how Parveen Babi’s body was found in her apartment a few days after she died, I was shattered. What if I die when no one’s with me, and nobody comes to know till a few days later?

3) That I won’t be there for my family when they need me.
I never miss a call from home or my sister. I always pick up calls, unless I’m in the bathroom or sleeping, because there’s always a fear in me that something must’ve happened to them. If Amma calls me at an odd hour in the day, say in the evening, instead of her usual call at night, my heart will skip a beat that something is wrong with someone. Try as I might, I always assume the worst.

4) Losing my hair and going bald.
Let me give you the premise.
I used to have lovely straight silky hair (and I’m not the only one who says so :( )- not very long, just a little above my waist. I used to be very proud of it and would spend a lot of time preening in front of the mirror admiring and grooming it. All and sundry used to compliment my hair, and if someone didn’t notice it, I used to make sure they did. It was a happy time.
Until I came to Hyderabad. The chlorinated water, pollution and stupid step-cut have made my hair an embarrassment. Now, I’m afraid to even touch my hair casually, let alone comb it, because there’s more hair lying around in my house and in my hand than there is on my head. I hardly leave my hair out, because a hint of a breeze, and there it stands around my head like a halo (now you know why I said I’m going to heaven? The halo connection). I used to always say, on my wedding day, I won’t keep false hair, it’ll be my own hair reaching proudly till my bums.
The rate at which my hair is falling, I’ll be lucky if I have any hair at all left by then. Maybe I should get married right away, whilst there‘s still something up there.

5) That I’ll be a disappointment to the people I love.
I say ‘I don’t care’ a lot. But the truth is, I care too much sometimes. What others think of me, whether they like me or not, are they happy with me- it’s a constant niggling at the back of my head. If one of my friends talks a little differently to me, I will worry that I may have done or said something to piss them off. I always want to please, especially my dad. But of course, the problem with this is, if pushed beyond a point, I stop caring altogether.

6) Rats and snakes.
They send a shiver down my spine. Sometime in ’94 or ’95, when the plague had broken out, every single night, before going to bed, I used to shut all the doors and windows and curtains, for the fear that a rat might sneak in. And snakes.. I can’t stand watching them even on T.V. *shudder* What an irony that I love the Snake game on cellphones. :/

7) Lightning.
Petrified of it. Whenever lightning strikes, I imagine that I'll be its next victim.

8) That I’ll run out of things to write about.
That suddenly one day, my Muse will just pack up and leave me, without so much as a warning, never to return. Ayyo!!!

Now what did I forget? Hmmm…

The challenge so far- Ten secrets and Nine loves.


  1. i too am scared about the whole HAIR thing...

  2. I wanna die stinking filthy rich in the Playboy Mansion, with a bunny on either side of me.....n actually I fear that's whtz gonna happen....

    Lovely read, Divya...


  3. OMG so much like me! :D Except that I love lightning and rats! :P Bwehehe :)

  4. I have almost the same fears as you do....okay now about your hair problem..I have a remedy..give it a shot and you will see a difference, I promise..take one egg full, add one table spoon of any oil that suits you best..then two table spoon of yogurt, one table spoon of honey..half apply that your hair for like 40 mints or so and then rinse through fresh water..there you go! you will have your silky long hairs back within months inshALLAH..all you have to do is keep doing me this is like food for hair.try that once and dont forget to give me the feedback:-)

  5. I second point no 3. Me too assume that somethn went wrong wen ma mom calls at odd times. I get so nervous that instead of saying 'hello', I ask 'what happened?'!

  6. Yayy, first to comment, I'll definitely come looking if you don't post something for two days - Parveen Babi not possible - Chill :)

  7. @All: Wish I could give individual replies, but fever and body pain kinda dampening my spirits. Will give detailed replies next time on. :)

  8. I fear losing my loved ones; nightmares about that keep reducing me into a bumbling mass of tears and terror-ridden eyes. I can't even begin to think of a life without them.

    Nice post!
    Feel better soon milady:(

  9. Totally with you on pointers 2,5,8.

    Very Enjoyable read.

  10. Hey Twin, we really are sisters from different mothers :P
    I'm so happy I found you,
    *sendsathankyouprayertoGod* :P:P

  11. I've never been out of north India twin, tellme all about your beautiful place, I've heard Kerala is an absolute peaceful place to rest and relax. and are all south indians called mallu ?
    I've read it so much on blogger.
    I'm sorry if that offends anybody !!

  12. Hi,
    I came across your blog while doing some blog-hopping. I feel your blog is too good.Keep writing :)

  13. God, your list is so much like mine! Rats scare the hell out of me. I am not 'that' scared of snakes though. And I am scared of deep waters too. One of my worst fears is drowning to death. Gulp. Swallow. Scary.

    And the hair tamasha, I have stopped caring altogether. Firstly, it was never straight n silky, secondly, hair cut or no hair cut it just doesn't grow beyond my shoulders :D. But then there are these occasional pangs after I shampoo it. Actually, it is quite scary...I agree.

    Great post :)

  14. @Serendipity: Nope, not all south indians are known as mallus. Only Malayalis are:

    @Keirthana: Thank you so much. :)

    @Destiny's Child: Thanks. :)


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