January 16, 2012

Don't ask me why, don't make me lie.

I want to throw my phone away and go somewhere.

Someplace where there is no internet or television. Or annoying questions that I have no answers to. No, not like the Bigg Boss house. I don’t want familiar people around either.

No, I don’t know when I’m getting married. When I know, I’ll announce it to the world and send you the card, ok?

No, I don’t know how long I’m gonna stay in this job. When I know, I’ll tell, ok?

No, I have no fucking clue when I’m moving out of Hyderabad. When I decide, I will mail you the scanned copy of my ticket, ok?

Till then, fucking stop asking me.

No, I’m not gonna get married and have babies just because my friends are. If I had to follow the crowd, I would’ve joined engineering and be writing back-papers now.

What do you mean, “Why did you cut your hair? Why did you pierce your nose?” What sort of a question is that? Why does anybody cut their hair or pierce their nose or ears or belly button? For world peace? No!!! I do it because I bloody want to!
Why do you ask so many questions? Was it your life’s secret ambition to become a quizmaster?

I want to go to some place where no one knows me or I don’t know anybody. Where people won’t have round-table conferences to discuss why the skinny girl has put on weight. Where I won’t have to meet deadlines or lie about why I haven’t turned in the story yet. Where I won’t be forced to wear stupid kurtas and leggings just because it is the ‘dress code’. Where I can streak my hair purple and colour my nails green.

I want to go someplace where I can sing at the top of my voice and no one will look weirdly at me. Where I can wear shorts and roam around. I want to go to sleep at 4 in the morning, wake up at 11, have breakfast at 1, lunch at 5, margaritas for tea. Or maybe, not go to sleep at all. I don’t want to know what time of the day it is. I want to eat when I’m hungry and sleep when I’m sleepy. Not eat because I’m supposed to eat at a particular time of the day or sleep because I’m supposed to sleep at a particular time.

I want to go for long walks, just observing. No talking. Who will I talk to, if I’m going alone? Long walks with no set direction or duration. Just walk till my feet hurt. I will have a small notebook and a pencil stub in my pocket, with which I’ll scribble stuff that I observe during my walk.

I want to be at such a place from where I can see the sun rise and set. Where the wind is so strong, it messes up my hair and makes my eyes water.

I want to be at a beach that doesn’t resemble a parade ground. All I want with me is the sand and the waves. I want to walk on the beach with the wind in my hair and sand at my feet, and trace my name in the damp sand, hurriedly before the waves come and wash it off.

I want to spend the whole day writing and scribbling nonsense that I will never post or publish. Write with my hand, not type on my laptop. And then I will smell the paper to take in the fragrance of pencil.

I want to lie on my back and watch the stars and moon at night. Just watch them for hours, humming Rafi and Kishore songs softly to myself. Occasionally a “Hello darkness, my old friend”, maybe. And then when I fall asleep right there, I don't want anyone to wake me up and tell me to 'go inside and sleep', because I don't want to.

I don’t want to expect anyone’s arrival. Nor anyone to expect mine.

I don’t want to wait for anyone. Nor anyone to wait for me.

I don’t want to be answerable to anyone. Nor anyone to me.

I want to be some place where I won’t have to answer an endless barrage of questions.

Yes, this is a rant.

No, this is not aimed at anyone in particular. It’s aimed at everyone in general.

Pardon the use of abuses. I’m sorry. Well, not all that much.


  1. Dear Oh Universe, Give my darling Sand, Sea, Sun, Stars and the moon,,,,, Wind and Warmth .......... and my love in all of it!
    Now CALM DOWN!!.... :) XOXO

  2. Good that you got it out. All I want to give you now is a big hug..

    *Hugs* Hang in there, my dear!

  3. All I can say is that I too WANT all of it!
    Ans yes many people have a quiz master soul in them.

  4. Just happened to read another post by a friend that seems to make a fitting reply to your post... Read this.


  5. Two hoots to people and their intrusive quizzing.

    You could most definitely do with a nice relaxing vacation. Do remember my offer is still open :P.

    Cheers :)

  6. hmmm.... looks like you have a chronic case of 'Carpe-Diem' ... And your list is the wishlist of every working woman out there - believe me! But this post awakens that feeling of restlessness that was somehow, sleeping in the background somewhere......Lovely!

  7. Evereyone's dream! Nobody reality!!! Maybe a rant, but can totally relate!!!

  8. *same pinch* ! Take me too :O I won't make a peep i promise :-p

  9. If you do find a place like that.. ill come with you! I promise you wont hear a squeak out of me. It'll be like I am not even there!

    ♥ www.thegirlatfirstavenue.com

  10. :-) frustrations getting the better of you??

  11. Hahaha..people troubling you girl?
    You are in the "When are you getting married?" phase,I'm in the "When are you having a 'kutty'" phase...
    You will tire,people won't...

    I would also like margarita's for tea...Cheer up..

  12. No dad, I will not get married just becos u think that all the "good girls" of our community are swiftly being "taken"...

    No dad, the bean bag, the LCD and hopefully a few recliners are actually living expenses...

    No dad, I actually do have to see that "useless" movie at that 500 wala theater...

    No dad, I will not change the name of my blog....

    Welcum2da club Spiff, n hugs fr u..

    hope u feelin better.


  13. sighhh
    you finally wrote..look at me...lazy bum award me shud get
    the stupid sprained has worsened now..with me nodding to every point of yours..
    catch u on whatsapp now
    yawnnnn :P


  14. @All: Thank you for the comments, wishes and hugs, people. Really appreciate it. And sorry for not replying individually. I'm sure you guys will understand.

  15. just do it...all of it :)

    don't think of reasons and consequences..

    (i pack my diary and apples and get onto any bus..and let it take me..wherever...and don't come back until i feel sane again)

    so..don't think too much :) just do !

    and apologies for being a little (or very) presumptuous

  16. It's okay spiff.
    Take it from one ear and let it out through the other. And do go on a holiday. May be just the weekend, but it really helps. Speaking from experience. :)

  17. You can do all the things you want to do if you are a grad student :p You will have to get back to work occasionally, but there will still be days when you can do whatever you want :)
    The questions however will still be there, unless you stop calling, chatting, communicating. A solution that somewhat works is to give really rude/random replies. Many people stop communicating with you at all. It is really a great feeling :D But of course, you can use this only on people you don't care about at all. For others you just have to learn to ignore. Eventually they label you as 'the useless or weird one' and leave you in peace.

  18. Me coming too. Me and Chan will chat and we'll leave you alone :P.. not to rub it in but I did most of what you want to do here last year when I had gone to UK, yes even the purple streaks. Which is why I miss it so much!!! I could wear shorts anytime of the day, sleep,eat,crap whenever I wanted and nobody around me to give a dam. A call in the weekend was my only link to the familiar people in my life.

    It was liberating to say the least. If I get to go again, I'll invite you too, just fund yourself, the rest of your wishes shall be fulfilled :P.

    Wanna break? come down to Bangalore, your not gonna get solitude for sure, but I'll color your hair for you :D

  19. wow... my first read here... and u sure seem frustrated with too many questions. :)

    Minus that, i agree with you, too many questions drive anyone mad... even me...
    so relax ,live the way you want to... and next time someone asks something, as politely and in a vocabulary suitable to who is asking, tell them to mind their own bluddy bussiness.

  20. haha :D that isn't fair Chechi. I'm an engineer and I've never given any back-papers :D You seem to be genuinely pissed. I'm just 22 and these marriage questions are already making rounds for me, I understand what you must be going through.

    Well' Screw'em :)

  21. Hey da Spiff, hope u feelin better now.. :)

    Wishin u a lovely weekend ahead, Spiff!! :)

  22. I came across your blog while blog-surfing. I abso-fucking-lutely feel you!!

    The next time u get bugged by a quiz master, just stare the hell outta them. It work wonders! Seriously!

  23. Congrats! You just hit the fast-mode route to enlightenment :)

  24. Boy, you must have been really frustrated when you wrote this!

    This happens so many times with me. i end up scribbling in my diary at times like such. :l

    i'm definitely following you :)
    check my blog. if you like it, maybe you could follow me back? :)

  25. I am glad to say that I have awarded you the versatile blogger award.Please click here to see for yourself and for more details :)

    I know that many others have awarded you the same, but I cannot convince myself to skip you on this one. And I am eagerly waiting for your next post. :)

  26. Brilliant! I have just met my post twin.

  27. I could have written all of this.


  28. Woah. You write awesome. You think awesomer. You're another different stroke!
    Stay different. You're you. Celebrate that!

    Wishes. Hope all of them do make their way into your life when you want them to :)


My blog is a foodie, just like me. It's favourite food is comments. So please do take a few minutes out to leave a comment. And please be nice! :)