I hesitated. I was not sure if I wanted to do this.
I mean, it’s not like this was my first time. I had done it once before. So I knew what it felt like.
But a lot of time had passed between then and now, and I wasn’t sure if I could do it again. What if I didn’t like it? What if I got paranoid in between? What if the voices in my head didn’t shut up?
I had heard from others who had done it that it was difficult, but they had felt good at the end of it.
I was afraid of what I was going to lose. I wasn’t willing to think of what I would gain.
Me: Yes, I want to do this.
Efbee: But why?! Is it something I did??
Me: Yes, and no. I cannot deny the good times I’ve had with you. You brought a new light into my life. But I’ve reached a point where I don’t find you interesting anymore. And yet, I can’t seem to let go. I’m weirdly addicted to you. When I think of you, I’m reminded of the song “With or without you” by U2.
Efbee: Let’s work on it! I’m sure we can still be together! Please!
Me: No, I need a break from you. I need some time and space. I need to get away from the whole world and be by myself for a while. I may or may not come back to you. But right now, I know this is what I want.
Efbee: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, I am. I have thought about it for a while. I know it’s not going to be easy. But I’ve made up my mind. I want to do it.
Efbee: But… I thought your entire life revolved around me!! That you couldn’t live without me!! Remember, you had told that night, that you could not imagine a life without me. What happened to all that??!!
Me: My life?? What sort of a life is this? I’m sick and tired of playing it safe! I’m tired of being afraid to do what I want! I’m tired of the whole world!
Efbee: But.. I’ve changed!! I’m better now! I’m more interesting now. And I’m trying everything possible to keep you in my life forever. I’ve brought you closer with your friends even! I need you! Don’t you understand that?!
Me: No, you don’t need me. If I leave, someone else will take my place. There are many others who are addicted to you, just the way I am. Maybe they don’t have a problem with that sort of an addiction, but I can’t handle it anymore. I’m just one tiny little person. You’ll survive. You’ll live. You don’t need me for that.
Efbee: Will you at least think about it? About coming back to me after a break?
Efbee: Alright then.. I’ll miss you.. you really are special to me..
It was time to end this.. it was time to move on. Delaying this any further was only going to make it tougher for me to leave. It was better to do it quickly, like ripping off a Band-aid. In one swift motion. Quick and painless.
With a deep sigh, I clicked on the “Deactivate your account” button.