September 26, 2011

Breaking up...

I hesitated. I was not sure if I wanted to do this.

I mean, it’s not like this was my first time. I had done it once before. So I knew what it felt like.

But a lot of time had passed between then and now, and I wasn’t sure if I could do it again. What if I didn’t like it? What if I got paranoid in between? What if the voices in my head didn’t shut up?

I had heard from others who had done it that it was difficult, but they had felt good at the end of it.

I was afraid of what I was going to lose. I wasn’t willing to think of what I would gain.

Me: Yes, I want to do this.

Efbee: But why?! Is it something I did??

Me: Yes, and no. I cannot deny the good times I’ve had with you. You brought a new light into my life. But I’ve reached a point where I don’t find you interesting anymore. And yet, I can’t seem to let go. I’m weirdly addicted to you. When I think of you, I’m reminded of the song “With or without you” by U2.

Efbee: Let’s work on it! I’m sure we can still be together! Please!

Me: No, I need a break from you. I need some time and space. I need to get away from the whole world and be by myself for a while. I may or may not come back to you. But right now, I know this is what I want.

Efbee: Are you sure?

Me: Yes, I am. I have thought about it for a while. I know it’s not going to be easy. But I’ve made up my mind. I want to do it.

Efbee: But… I thought your entire life revolved around me!! That you couldn’t live without me!! Remember, you had told that night, that you could not imagine a life without me. What happened to all that??!!

Me: My life?? What sort of a life is this? I’m sick and tired of playing it safe! I’m tired of being afraid to do what I want! I’m tired of the whole world!

Efbee: But.. I’ve changed!! I’m better now! I’m more interesting now. And I’m trying everything possible to keep you in my life forever. I’ve brought you closer with your friends even! I need you! Don’t you understand that?!

Me: No, you don’t need me. If I leave, someone else will take my place. There are many others who are addicted to you, just the way I am. Maybe they don’t have a problem with that sort of an addiction, but I can’t handle it anymore. I’m just one tiny little person. You’ll survive. You’ll live. You don’t need me for that.

Efbee: Will you at least think about it? About coming back to me after a break?

Me: Yes…

Efbee: Alright then.. I’ll miss you.. you really are special to me..


It was time to end this.. it was time to move on. Delaying this any further was only going to make it tougher for me to leave. It was better to do it quickly, like ripping off a Band-aid. In one swift motion. Quick and painless.
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With a deep sigh, I clicked on the “Deactivate your account” button.

43 comments:

  1. Swift but not painless, and it leaves a mark too. The only good thing out of this is satisfaction, even that's not much to look forward to. You did what you wanted and I think it's enough to cover for anything that you might loose.

    Stay Blessed

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  2. Gahahahahahah as i was reading, i was thinking wat comment shud i give. I had a huge relationship related comment and then the last line hit me hard on my gut. Lol..stupendous!

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  3. Hahahahaaha!!!.... We'll miss you....btw, i like the new user-interface of efbee, but the vertical ticker on the right side is such a blow to one's privacy!!
    Im thinking of a break up too!hmm..:-/
    Good one!:D

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  4. LOL...thats VERY deceiving!
    the first time i actually pictured a couple doing the break up talk...
    when i re read it, i saw sense n felt like the biggest idiot in the world. thank you.
    :D:D

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  5. aaah...i verified before commenting...u actually did that...hmmmmmm.

    hate u for dis...but still...

    Respect!

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  6. aaaaaaan...!!!!
    duude duude duuude..
    reaallyyy..even i had like thought the same things and de-activated me account..
    but then...
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    i came back

    pfftt :/ :/ :/

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  7. @The guy in the mirror: Umm..Did you read the post till the end?

    @Red Handed: Sorry I deprived you of the chance to give a relationship-gyaan, sweetie. Maybe another time. :P

    @Serendipity: Tho kaisa laga aapko? :P

    @The meditating lion: Privacy? What privacy? Didn't that become extinct the minute social networking started? :/

    @Indumathy: Hehe. Melcow! :D

    @kalpak: :D It's just temporary, to see how long I can stay without it.

    @meoww: In a few weeks' time, I bet I'll be writing a post on how I couldn't stay away from it and that I reactivated my account. :/

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  8. AMAZING!! :)

    It was really mysterious. Though the name had me thinking for a while :P Loved it :)

    Enjoy the time off it :)

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  9. Lovely lovely post :D!!
    Trust me, you are going to enjoy your life without your ex :P! More time for yourself, more time for life as well, and more time for the real stuff! But there are stuff I miss about it. But you will get over it, with time.
    Welcome to the non-facebook'ers community :P!

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  10. You almost got me there! Well written...

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  11. I expected the deactivate thingy once you mentioned the second conversationalist as Efbee. Kudos to you for doing something that I've been contemplating for a while now.

    Awesomely hilarious as always.

    Cheers :)

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  12. I had a friend who quit it, just like you did. But she came back again. So might you - faster than you think ;)

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  13. hahaha ! This is aweee.... wait for it.. some !:D

    New to your blog..:)
    You got yourself a new follower :D

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  14. DOODE, how will I inbox you now:'(

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  15. @The guy in the mirror: Ah! I thought as much! :)

    @Srinidhi: Damn! I should've named the other character Feebo or something no? :/
    Thanks! :)

    @Deepthi: Hi-faive!! :D

    @Anu: *Bollywood style*I'm sure you'll keep Efbee very very happy.

    @Divya Kamath: Thank you. :)

    @Atrocious: Thank you! :)

    @Vinitha: That's why I deactivated it temporarily. Because I know very well that I'll be back. :/

    @Priyanka: Hey thanks! :)

    @PeeVee: You can mailbox me, Doode. :)

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  16. Loved it.I had done that once,then I missed stalking my ex-bf's so I came back ;-).
    [Please note that eFBee saves all your fotos,posts,friends and any other crappy thing you have told it.So when re-activate it is like you had never left]

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  17. Aiyyo!! Who will I team up with and bug Kalpak now? :(

    But do come back soon! And please don't leave blogging for whatever such reasons. :)

    P.S: I had deactivated my account during my tenth boards for SIX months!!! To be honest, it didn't feel very different. But after I came back, (for a peek) I just couldn't deactivate my account again :D

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  18. @Blue Lotus: Yup, I know. I had deactivated it once before and came back to find things exactly the way I had left it. :/

    @Loony: We can bug him on gtalk re. :) And no, I'm not even thinking about stopping blogging. :)

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  19. :D!! Do let me know how your 'new' life is going on now :)

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  20. Lucky you! I deactivated my account at 1 AM in the morning and thought to never return again. At sharp 7 AM, my finger automatically pressed the "F" logo in my phone and there I was again! Sigh!

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  21. Spaceman... You've been an inspiration, I've de-activated my account. And FB is a manipulative bitch, it points out my best friends and says "they are going to miss you, are you sure you want to do this?" I tell her, "hell, yeah, you are an attention seeking needy girlfriend, I don't have much time for you anymore"

    P.S - I'm not being sexist or anything, FB could equally be an attention seeking, needy boyfriend and a manipulative son of a beech!

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  22. @Musings: The trick is to get rid of the shortcuts. That's the first thing I did. Deleted the shortcut and put something else in place of it. The first few hours, my fingers itched to login. They automatically pressed the shortcut button. but there was something else there. Not so tempted anymore. Yay!

    @Vineeth: I know! What's with that "He will miss you" "She will miss you" thing?! For one, it makes the men seem gay. And also, the ones who would really miss me have other ways to get in touch with me.
    COngrats, by the way! :)
    (If I inspire any more people, Zuckerberg is gonna hunt me down and kill me.)

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  23. really! wow! kudos. I need the daily dose still

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  24. Aah, thats a nice way. But I decided, its better to have some addiction in life, better than alcohol at least. So FB still takes most of my time, happily. lol...

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  25. @confusedyuppie: It's really like a drug no?

    @Musings: What was getting to me was the privacy settings. Everything was out there for the whole fucking world to see and judge!! And I realised I have absolutely nothing interesting to say to so many people all the time. And then they went and changed the whole look. That was like the last straw. But I've just temporarily deactivated it. I might be back sooner than I think.

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  26. I've been thinking on the same lines for a while now. But looks lime I'm too committed with it.. :P... Hopefully I'll do the same, later! :)

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  27. Now,being FB's friend and well-wisher I just have to take up the cudgels for my chum.He is missing you like anything these days.:-(Cries himself to sleep 3 times a week,wets his pillows,wondering when u'll walk back into his life,and all those other things which go through a love lost lover's head...U just left a gaping hole in his heart...Ur profile id has just become a haunting memory for him..SO on behalf of my friend, I beseech thee...please come back to him...He might have multiple people doting on him,but all of them are just the stars who get blotted out by your sunlight!!!:-P

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  28. Yeah, the new FB sucks bigtime. But there is a work around for both the world to not see what u r doing and for you to just see what you want to..takes time to do it though.
    cheers..

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  29. I guess there is 'takraar' only where there is 'ikraar' :p or in Malayalam, 'Chattiyum Kalavum aakumbol thattiyennum muttiyennum irikkum' :p Waiting for the post on 'Patching up'... ;) :D

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  30. @Chintan: :D Thanks!

    @confused soul: Oh I know what it feels like. I finally took the plunge. :)

    @Rahul: Did he tell you all this with a background score of "Yaad aa rahi hai, teri yaad aa rahi hai"? :P

    @Destiny's child: The post on 'patching up' is nowhere around the corner, sistah! :)

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  31. Somehow I knew where it was going ...
    We get so attached to our online life it becomes our real life. A very nice message from a simple story.
    http://chocolatesanddreams.in

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  32. @Rituparna: I know. You tend to start living an alternate life that you've created for yourself online. Dangerous after a point.
    Thanks. :)

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  33. Was off the internet for a while, just got back and reading all your posts. Man! you had me deceived right till the very end. I was even wondering what 'efbee' meant (I was guessing maybe short for effin' boyfriend) or something. Lol! Good read.

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  34. @Sumitra: 'Effin' boyfriend isn't far from the truth. :D
    Thanks!

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  35. One thing when getting over a break up is that it does takes time. You just have to be more patient and make this a moment to reflect about you, but then avoid blaming yourself.

    how to get over a break up

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  36. Breakups are handled differently by different people, and whatever method you use, do it if it helps you!

    how to get over a break up

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  37. @Glydel: Umm.. Did you read the post till the very end?

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