April 18, 2011

The Essential Mallu-Food Guide for Non-Mallus.

“Do you have squid today?” I asked the waiter.
“No, we don’t have squid.”
“Damn! I was craving for some squid! Anyways, do you have prawns?”
“Yes. Prawns curry, prawns roast, chilli prawns.”
“Hmm.. ok. Then get me two velleappams and one prawns roast.”

I was at a mallu restaurant with a friend, to satisfy my mallu food craving. My friend, a non-mallu, decided to play safe and ordered a chicken biryani.

I was pigging out on the prawns roast with single-minded focus, when a couple came and occupied the adjacent table. Non-mallus, going by the hindi they were speaking. And also going by the amount of fuss they were creating over everything that was there on the menu. Why come to a Kerala food joint if you don’t like the cuisine, I thought to myself. They were dismissing anything and everything that the waiter was suggesting. For one, they didn’t have a clue about half the things on the menu, and were making the bewildered waiter describe what went into all those dishes. And on top of that, it didn’t look like they were seafood or beef-eating people, which, hello, is the whole point of going to a mallu place.

I lost interest in them somewhere in between and got back to my second plate of prawns roast. (Do not judge me, I haven’t been home in 6 months!)

“I’m sorry sir, we don’t have mushroom masala.” I overheard the waiter telling the couple. They still hadn’t ordered.

Err..Mushrooms?? In a Kerala restaurant??!! Umm..ok. Whatever suits them.

Wait wait. The best is yet to come. The guy goes through the menu and asks “How about chicken biryani?”
“Ya! We’ll have that.” The girl is finally interested.
“But wait. Usme tho poora coconut coconut hoga.” (There’ll be coconut coconut in it, whatever that means)
“Oh! Nahi nahi, mujhe coconut nahi pasand.” (No no, I don’t like coconut.)

I was speechless. This was the height of ignorance about mallu food!!! Coconut in chicken biryani, for god’s sake??!!

So here’s a little food guide for all you non-Mallu’s. It’s time you got rid of certain misconceptions about our cuisine, and also were aware of certain things.

1)Yes, we come from the land of coconuts. Yes, we love coconuts. Yes, sometimes we love them enough to make babies with them. But that does NOT mean that we put coconut in each and every thing! And definitely not in Biryani!

2)I really don’t think you should order edible fungi in a Mallu restaurant. The fungi might be edible, but the dish might not be.

3)Yes yes, we luuurve banana chips. But that does not maketh a meal.

4)We do love our coconuts and our banana chips, but we do eat other stuff too, you know. If one more person goes “Ohhh!! Kerala Kutti! Coconut oil and banana chips!” with the all-knowing glee in their eye, I swear I shall not hesitate to break said coconut on their head.

5)We use coconut oil on our hair, and we use the same coconut oil for cooking. If you have a problem, eat bread and jam while you’re vacationing in Kerala. There’s no coconut oil in that.

6)And while we’re on that, if you’re planning to visit Kerala, be willing to taste our cuisine. Don’t expect to find the food of your land here. We Keralites are accommodative and gracious hosts, but if we hear you complaining about our food, you might just find an empty pot of toddy upturned on your silly snooty head.

7)We loooove cows. Go figure.

8)If you’re planning to start a hotel in Kerala, and you dish out Continental and Chinese fare, you may or may not strike gold. But start a porotta-beef thattukada (wayside eatery that serves yummy food), you’ll be a millionaire overnight.

9)If you want to eat the best food in Kerala, eat from a thattukada*. If you pass it off thinking it’s unhygienic, then you really don’t know what you missed.

10)If you can’t take spicy food, either go on a liquid diet or come prepared to spend ample time in the loo. We are not known as the Land of Spices for nothing.

11)We eat bananas, we fry bananas, we make sweets out of them, we make curry out of them, we eat out of a banana leaf, and when the need arises, we may even use the banana peel to take revenge on somebody. You’ll just have to learn to accept it.

12)When we see fish, we lose all self- control. You’ll have to accept that as well.

13)Mallu children might grow up reciting the different names of fish that we get here rather than A B C D. Yes, we are proud of our coast and the bounty it brings.

14)Mallus are very adaptable to other cuisines. We will try anything once. If we don’t like it, we will still eat it. And then go crib about it to our ‘country’men over a pot of toddy and some fish fry.

15)We eat rice. A lot of it.

16)A bowl of kanji (rice gruel) with coconut chutney and a papad equals one satisfied Malayali.

17)‘Avial’ is not just a rock-band. It’s a delectable dish that every Keralite is proud of.

18)If you visit a Mallu house and are served Jackfruit chips, and half an hour later at lunch, find jackfruit in your curry as well, along with jackfruit sabji, do not be alarmed. The jackfruit kheer is on the way.

19)Same is the case with tapioca. We believe in maximum utilization of our resources, as you may have figured out by now.

20)We worship the sea-goddess. In every sense.

21)No matter how busy the mornings are in a household, we still take time out to prepare and eat puttu-kadala or appam-egg curry or idiyappam-stew for breakfast. We believe in starting the day royally.

So, there you go. I'm not sure if this has helped in making you any wiser about Kerala cuisine, but it sure has made me crave for some good home-made mallu food. Dammit!!

98 comments:

  1. Hahaahhahahahhaa!! Whattay post, I say! Hilarious, wacky an truly humorous!
    We come across such aliens on an everyday basis even in Kerala. The northies employed by our dear Infy/TCS/etc's are content eating mushrooms and their palak paneers day in and day out but they ain't even ready to experiment our fish or crab. And their ever-cynical minds would probably never let them understand how good mallu cuisine is and that there is more to kerala that banana chips and coconut oil

    Keep writing! Terrific stuff! :)

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  2. Ohh ya..I love the acrid tone...Mushrooms in a kerala restaurant?You should be kidding.Then why come here??Go to the dhaba nearby,they will be serving mushroom and paneer sans coconut.Spicy,yes we love it that way.We do not apologize for the burning lips or tongues..
    You got the malayali in me bristling and my stomach hollering for good kerala food.

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  3. Oooh, now I'm craving for spicy beef fry and parottas from a thattukada! Forget those silly outsiders who don't know how to enjoy good food! Let's enjoy our bounty by ourselves! Great post, and a great sense of humor!
    My favorite Kerala cuisine - tapioca and fish curry! Gosh! They should make that the staple food in every country - I think it would make people everywhere so happy that they would forget to go to war! heheh!

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  4. @All: Thank you! :)

    @Musings: True, northies are not very tolerant of mallu cuisine. At the most they'll eat idli-dosa, but that's not coz it's a quintessentially mallu cuisine, it's probably because they feel that it's the safest risk or something. Beyond that, they don't experiment much. Well, we cn't force it down their throat, right? To each his own.

    @Blue Lotus: Seriously, the amount of spice that I've had while I was still in Kerala is what got my stomach acclimatized to handle the maha-spicy food that AP is famous for. But here, they use more of chilli powder and not much of other spices. So it's just plain hot!

    @Jane: Hey, a new visitor! Thanks for dropping by! :) Let's pitch the kappa-meen curry idea to the government, shall we? ;)

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  5. You facebook note which came along with this post has got a lot of circulation. It has been shared at least by 3 people in my Facebook news feed. And all of the people who shared being Keralites staying in other parts of India. Good going.

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  6. @Adheesh: Thank you. :) I'm overwhelmed by the response it has got. I never even imagined that an uneventful afternoon in office would lead to something like this. :)

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  7. heee...:D...Brilliant I say!!!...

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  8. You must have worked a lot to get this post done , kick ass :) amazing work.

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  9. @Snooperman: Thank you, I say! :)

    @Jaseem: Yes, lots of work- 24 years of being a proud mallu, and half an hour of putting it into words. :)

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  10. man....i am a north indian...nd i study in kerala...NITC.....the way u r proud of your cousine....u would even not like the dishes we eat in north.....its the same way here....just its a bit difficult to manage with it....

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  11. BTW, this post is going place. Being circulated among known and unknown in FB and people copy/pasting too :)

    Way to go.. keep writing

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  12. @Swapnil: Of course we are proud of our cuisine. :) And ya, some people may not like the food that is served up north. I guess that's applicable to everyone. Once your palette gets accustomed to a particular kind of taste, you won't like anything else. But that'll just make it difficult when you have to relocate to another part of the country.
    And hey, this is just one tiny person's (read: me) take. :) It's not all-inclusive, neither am I speaking on all my country cousins' behalf. I don't mean offence to anybody, believe me.
    But I sure am glad at least one non-mallu reacted. Hi-Faive!! :)

    @Musings: Ya, I figured. :) Thanks!

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  13. thats it..iam going out and finding kanji, chamanthi and pappadam for lunch..this post has made me so fucking hungry..

    iam married to a north indian who swears by mallu food..when its called for i swear by her food too..but with less enthusiasm...if i cud get coconut to stand still, i wud have married it.

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  14. Awesome post. I liked your style. My friend suggested this link to me. The coconut stereotype is something I faced outside Kerala several times. Whenever I took my friends to a Kerala restaurant, the first thing they would ask is "Do they use coconut oil?" What the heck? If applying coconut oil in the hair is the problem, then they use water to wash their privates after they.... well ahem. They don't have problem using water in cooking and drinking. Lol! Their logic is fallacious. Veruthe stereotype cheyyan avanmarude odukathe oru cocophobia!

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  15. @Tys On Ice: You swear BY her food, or AT her food? Prepositions make all the difference, you know. ;) And about that marriage, might I suggest marrying a whole damn coconut tree instead of just one coconut? You could get so much more out of the marriage. :p

    @Pleasant: Thank you! :)
    Let's just face it- stereotyping is a norm. If they do it, we do it too. Just that they do it right in our faces and we do it behind their backs. :p

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  16. I have become a fan of your writing style..i'm loving it..i happened to visit your blog as a friend of mine shared the mallu food guide page in Facebook...i totally enjoyed that food guide...Your writing is so simple and at the same time very expressive...n also relative and realistic that has made me follow ur blog..:)..Keep up the gud work...:)

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  17. @Rohith: Thank you so much! :) I can't be happier, seriously. :)
    And hey, if I may ask, which friend of yours shared this on FB? I'm just trying to figure out how it got around, because people who are not on my list also seem to have read it.

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  18. Achyuth Varma shared it on FB via Ashik Salahudeen ...:)..by now many have already shared it from me also...;)...i happened 2 c many in FB copy pasting some of the beautiful facts that u have provided in ur blog as their status updates..:)..

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  19. Heya there Divya!

    Like the others here I got to this blogpost of yours via Facebook.

    This is one super-duper-cool post! Me likey!

    Quite a nice style of writing. Keep going! ;-)

    P.S. When I read 'about you' I felt I was like reading about myself...that's until I realized you were a Virgoan too! :-D

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  20. Well, an excellent post On the myths about malllu cuisine , and going by the circulation, it's getting widely circulated...

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  21. @Rohith: I don't know either of them. Well, now I've really started believing in the power of the internet, seriously!!! And which facts having been quoted as status updates, might I ask? :)

    @Vijitha: Ooooh! Another weirdo-Virgo! Hi-faive! :) Do you also stop people in the middle of a fight and correct their grammar? :p
    And thank you for the kind words. :)


    @Venu: Thank you, Venu. I'm no expert on Mallu cuisine, but now I know that all mallus think alike, or at least when it comes to our food. :p

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  22. brilliant work pal. Just came across your blog and it said everything i used to tell all my non-mallu friends. Keep up the good work. "you use the same oil in your food as well as on your head??" was a question I dodged every now and then in my campus. Now, no more I will. excellent narration.

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  23. "We do love our coconuts and our banana chips, but we do eat other stuff too, you know. If one more person goes “Ohhh!! Kerala Kutti! Coconut oil and banana chips!” with the all-knowing glee in their eye, I swear I shall not hesitate to break said coconut on their head."...I saw this as one of my friend's status updates......many have already liked your link that i've shared...n they also have shared the link...all the malayalis are now in love with your mallu food guide...:)..way to go Divya!!!

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  24. @Rohith: I'm running out of words to thank everyone. :) I'm completely overwhelmed.

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  25. Hi Divya,

    Felt nice when I read that and I also relate to most of the things you have said. But sadly mal hotels invariably in Kerala and some outside Kerala only cater to the non vegetarians (i am a non-veg but I have friends and a wife who is veg) so then it becomes difficult because these hotels only seem to serve chicken, fish and beef (in various forms). But yes, I totally liked your post for the attitude people in general have towards south indian food. Kickass stuff.. keep it going...

    p.s. My friend shared the link on facebook. Will be foolish to go into who shared it to him and how is he connected to you, so I am not (Hail internet).

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  26. @SN: I totally agree with you. My mom is a vegetarian as well, and I've seen the dilemma she faces when we eat out. She's restricted to either paneer or gobi etc, which seem to have been put on the menu as an afterthought. :) This may be God's Own Country, but it definitely is not a Vegetarian's Paradise. :p
    Thank you for the words of encouragement. And by now, I've stopped trying to figure out how it got around. Clearly, I had underestimated the power of the internet. Not anymore. :)

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  27. Believe me I am first time on BlogSpot...
    I just liked it, in fact loved d way u wrote it... Proud being a Malayalee... that’s all what I’ve to say..
    Superb!!

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  28. Hi,

    Loved each each and every bit...superb!!!

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  29. Yes, i dont know you. Stumbled upon this post in FB and i have shared it on my wall as well. This post makes so much sense to a homesick mallu who is fed up of the coconut jokes doing the rounds here. I am going to make sure anyone who snubs mallu cusine reads this! Oh i miss home mallu food. Thattukada, beef n porotta, i want it all now! Brilliantly written and hilarious!

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  30. Hi, terrific post.. had a great laugh for a long time. since i had stayed in Delhi for more than a decade, could visualise. keep writing and send link to dinesh1602@yahoo.com on all ur posts
    thanks

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  31. @All: Thank you so much for the appreciation! Right now, I'm somewhere up on seven millionth heaven. :)

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  32. You really deserve all these appreciations!!!!:)

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  33. excellent stuff - truly enjoyed reading this - I have passed it one to many others..keep going lady, you have the gift....

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  34. advice to @Swapnil - Please visit Pappachan's at Kattangal more often. I bet you will come back for more decades after you leave NITC like many of your seniors!

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  35. ROFL<,,, totally loved it, i never followed a blog with this much interest, keep up

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  36. Absolutely Loved it. Made me an immediate follower. :) You just took the words out of the mouth of almost all mallus with non-mallu friends. Im so done with explaining ot my frenz that we DONT put coconut in EVERYTHING. Very well put.

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  37. @Maddy, Nabeel, Jerry Jose & Archana:
    THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :)

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  38. superb one....excellent styl of writing...
    this is what i exactly want 2 tell to all my north indian friends..
    gives immense pleasure 2 share this in FB...

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  39. Like the majority here ,I too happened to see this post on one of my frenz FB page
    & I thot "Divya Nambiar" is a celebrity writer until I saw
    "Thank You" replies to all comments in here!!
    (how prejudiced right??...typical mallu :p )

    This is O`sum...u spoke the mind of many mallus...the Non Resident Mallus
    in particular....we have all gone through this kinda ppl & always wanted
    to give them a lecture of mallu cuisine...but just fall short trying to
    find out the right words...or may be the appropriate tone to convince them....
    you have figured it , structured it & celebrated it...I guess that explains the overwhelming response :-)

    Way to go author...figure out other topics wer a mallu`s ego can get hurt...give shape to the e-protest
    & u might even be the most famous "Anonymous Malayali"

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  40. @Arjun: Thank you. :)

    @Mallu: Err.. Celebrity writer? Author? I think you got the wrong person! And of course I will thank everyone. My writing may be snooty and sarcastic, but I'm actually a delighful person, you know. Well, maybe not all the time. :p
    And not to forget, thank you. :)

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  41. hmm lived tain years in south Endia & caan relate to gourmet differences . brilliant post

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  42. Heard frm my father that,his bangalore colleagues throwed out their rice,since the cook in that shift was mallu and assumed he put coconut in rice..
    WTF!!!!
    Heard this thing like a week ago..now seeing this on the blog.What a bunch of morons..
    Who puts coconut flakes in rice anyway?..
    Northies&non-mallu southies carrying these fictitious stereotypes need to get their heads examined..lol
    Nothing beats our home cuisine :)

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  43. @Hazel Dream and Sharathsree: Thank you. :)

    @WiseAss: Err..let's not entirely rule out the possibility of finding coconut flakes in rice, because there is something called Coconut Rice, you know. :)

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  44. Oh My South Indian God!! This is crazy. A "Mutual Friend" had liked this on FB.

    I had actually seen this stuff happen -- in Hyderabad, (Kerali - Kerela Hotel, Gachabowli.) The Guys wearing Microsoft ID had come there; one girl said, "Bhai saab, ye kerala paratha tandoori hai na?" The waiter folded his checkered sarong, walked away and rambled something in mallu, "mone. mone. mone."

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  45. @Dhaval: Hahahahaha!! Ya ya, the mallu men and their stylish sarongs. ;) And FYI, it is Kairali restaurant, and it's Gachibowli. :)

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  46. "My Bad. My Bad. My Bad."

    Its been a while since I had been there. I had switched over to Uttupura.

    But I still hold Kairali very close to my tummy.

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  47. Same here. I used to regularly go to Kairali when I lived around that area. Now that I've shifted to the city, I go to Utupura.
    And you posted the 50th comment. Congratulations!! :P

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  48. "50th comment?" Burp... excuse me!

    Yours is the first blog that I commented on. I am new to this universe.

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  49. fantastic piece :) I should print and frame this !!!

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  50. I got to read this post in one of the Kerala groups...& here im well! already a subscriber to your blog..
    Your have a real cool writing style & it in fact got me craving for all those Kerala delicacies...mmmm must grab one soon!!

    ...truly an angel ambassador to mallu delights...

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  51. @Rajesh: Ayyayyo! Njan angel-um kunthavum onnum alle!
    Thanks anyways. :)

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  52. Nice post... Got this link from a friend who got it on facebook and doesnt know you so i didnt enquire further... Not a mallu but have enjoyed mallu food and can certainly vouch for mallu food... Nice flow in your expressions... keep it up :)

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  53. AHAHAHAA.... Mallus rule!! We are awesome, ain't we:)

    'I swear I shall not hesitate to break said coconut on their head.'- Call me when you do that, I want a picture:D

    By the by, do you happen to know a Miss. Anjali Balachandran? Just asking:P I can be weirdly random.

    And I'm off to eat cripy appams Ma's turning out:)

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  54. @Priyanka: Of course we're awesome. Or rather, Ozum. :p

    The name doesn't ring a bell. But then, I don't remember a lot of people i went to school, college or university with. Not even with social networking sites making it easier. I seem to have blanked out on a lot of things. :/ WHere has this girl studied?

    And I'm going to ignore the appam point. *walks away wiping drool*

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  55. Fabulous post. I had shared your note in FB some days back. But when I stumbled on your blog today, I understood that 'The Essential Mallu-Food Guide for Non-Mallus' is just a sample. I am sneaking out of my work and reading each post. Good work. Keep on posting.

    I know all of us are tired of being framed as the 'kerala kutty/ omanakutty' and the prejudices about cuisine. This post speaks on behalf of all the malayalees. Thank you divya :)

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  56. Thank you so much, Anju. :)
    I always get excited when there's a new visitor. Yay!! :)

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  57. Brilliant post! Nice blog. I am a Kerala Iyer, so some of the points do not apply to me, but the ones that do are spot on!

    You should see me around more from now on. I am on a mission to revive my blogging and step 1 is to getting back to reading and being active on others blogs.

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  58. @Sabarish: Hey, thanks! :)
    Hope to see more of you around, and to read your blog. Thanks for dropping by!

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  59. This is superb! Sum1 shared this as a note on FB... Had a tough time finding ur blog... Thank god for google!!! :) Keep writing!!! :)

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  60. @Nnniiixxx: (did I get all the letters correct? :P) Thank you! :) I can't believe the note is still being shared on FB! :O

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  61. Landed here at the worst possible time. 26 months now. Oh! What I would do to get my hands on some banana chips, or a plate of appam-stew or even a bowl of kanji that I used to hate :(

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  62. @Kirklops: Hey, thanks for dropping by. :)

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  63. Well, first off, simply love your writing style and though I've read only a couple of the posts I come to realize that there are people out there who think like me. :D
    Not only from your content but also the comments you get in response.

    Look forward to more and more.....

    By the way, I came across the post when a friend of mine shared your Old Monk and Chicken Biriyani link on fb

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  64. @Shadia: Hey there. Thank you so much. :) And I didn't know the Old monk post was also shared? Who shared it? Maybe someone I know?

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  65. Started from this post and became a follower. i guess have read at least half of the archives.... i wish i could express my appreciation as clearly as you write. Very nice blog.

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  66. Great post, but I m feeling a bit hungry now :)
    Have been to Konkani restaurants in Bangalore, need to find an authentic mallu one after reading this post.

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  67. @Ayan: :D Thanks!
    You'll find a mallu restaurant around every corner in Bangalore! Not at all hard to find.

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  68. aiyaiyoo ayaiyoo ayaiyoooo..!!!!
    how the hell did i miss this master piece till date..!!!
    absa-bloooodyyy-lutelyyyyyyyy awesomeeeeeeeeeee..!!!!!!!!!!

    cheers!!

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  69. I just had puttu and kadala today! And this post makes me wanna go back to Kerala right away.. Yayiee...super post Spiff.. :D

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  70. Hey somehow I missed this post of yours, just got to know from your today's post about the origins of this and which made you a celebrity instantly on the blogosphere! Truly wacky! Yes. One has to respect the food, culture, and language a particular region offers. That is why we are called a sub-continent!

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  71. i'm literally craving for the pepper banana chips and jackfruit chips!!! oh man!..

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  72. Yeaa.. totally loved it..!!!I know of people who go 'tum cocnut oil sir pe aur khaana banane ke liye use karte ho'... and i was like yess... u have a prob ?? .. and then when the said person came home, she almost stooped short of chewing off her fingers ....heheheheh .. i loved this post .. awesome ...

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  73. Have read this "n" number of times on FB... Dont even bother trying to explain all this to non-mallus... Cos they will never ever get it... Really... brilliant post...

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  74. I am from lucknow and came to Kochi in 2006(as a pure vegetarian),had no clue what to eat,starved for about 2 days

    and rushed into a nearby hotel.When the waiter asked my order,I recklessly pointed to a guy eating some dark brown

    stuff.Since my first plate of that awesome beef-porotta,I came a long way relishing and unraveling the taste of

    mallu cuisine.So much so,that currently I am a permanent member of a southy kitchen at my mallu friends flat.From

    the awesome chamandi to the ultimate chor-sambhar,I enjoy the whole spectrum of the Southy delicacies.I really feel

    pity on those Northy guys who have missed these dishes just because their taste buds are so damn "myopic" and

    dysfunctional that they stop sensing anything beyond coconuts.Seriously guys,think twice before boasting yourself a

    foodie.All I am saying is give it a chance.Mallu cuisine is so outstandingly different that you might not like it in

    the first go.But soon your taste bud would develop this new sensation and.. MY GOD..then that would be the day for

    any foodie.
    More over relishing mallu food bought me closer to the locals and helped me understand their remarkable culture.
    I feel so happy and privileged and proud to be a part of the kerela community.

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  75. I am from lucknow and came to Kochi in 2006(as a pure vegetarian),had no clue what to eat,starved for about 2 days

    and rushed into a nearby hotel.When the waiter asked my order,I recklessly pointed to a guy eating some dark brown

    stuff.Since my first plate of that awesome beef-porotta,I came a long way relishing and unraveling the taste of

    mallu cuisine.So much so,that currently I am a permanent member of a southy kitchen at my mallu friends flat.From

    the awesome chamandi to the ultimate chor-sambhar,I enjoy the whole spectrum of the Southy delicacies.I really feel

    pity on those Northy guys who have missed these dishes just because their taste buds are so damn "myopic" and

    dysfunctional that they stop sensing anything beyond coconuts.Seriously guys,think twice before boasting yourself a

    foodie.All I am saying is give it a chance.Mallu cuisine is so outstandingly different that you might not like it in

    the first go.But soon your taste bud would develop this new sensation and.. MY GOD..then that would be the day for

    any foodie.
    More over relishing mallu food bought me closer to the locals and helped me understand their remarkable culture.
    I feel so happy and privileged and proud to be a part of the kerela community.

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  76. Chanced upon your blog through Judy's.

    I absolutely loved this one! :)

    Its high time someone told 'em that we dont reek of coconut oil! I miss home so much and this post actually brought back fond memories of amma's prawn fry!Slluurrp!

    Way to go! :)

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  77. @All: Thank you so much. :) I'm thrilled that I still get comments for this post. :)

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  78. Spiff, this post brought me to your blog, like with most followers 'spose. Haven't been commenting much. But, I can't deny that your archives have played a part in keeping me sane. Here's an award I'm passing onto you http://interstate42.blogspot.com/p/updates.html
    Thanks again.

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  79. Bwahahaha...I had a hard time trying to keep myself on my chair reading this one. Hilarious as hell :D
    I can totally understand your situation. Its almost the same when any non-bong comes to Kolkata and says they love macher jhol and misti doi and rosogolla. Thats teh only thing tehy have heard,known or tasted. There is much more to our food than that!!
    I love mallu cuisine. I will happily chomp away a packet of banana chips instead of a packet of potato chips. I love avial,unniappam and mottappam :D And porotta and chicken curry(I can't eat beef thanks to mum) cooked mallu style are my faves. I had such lovely neighbors who used to invite me to theirs every Sunday for lunch and served us those lovely and yummy dishes. :)

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    1. Oh you got me craving for porotta now! :( And I loooooooooooooove mishti doi.

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  80. This is brilliant !! I sharing on twitter and fb .. I love particularly love the 5th and 21st

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  81. Take that you dumbass Non-thenga loving, beef-ignorant snobs...

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  82. :) loved it.....
    -Sanjivni
    www.exptsinthekitchen.com

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  83. Killer post.. Being a mallu in NIT Surat makes me miss out on all those delicious mallu food you get and your post just made me crave for, literally, everything including banana chips.. :)
    *applauds*
    +1 for Karma

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  84. Hello Dear Author,

    Are you also known as Prakash Pillai? ( https://www.facebook.com/praxpils/posts/10151801686714676 ) Or is the link I provided just a case of plain plagiarism? :)

    Mindblowing post btw!

    Cheers,
    Vishnu

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. Since he is not on my friends list, I can't post a comment. Sorry, can't help there. That post has gone viral and has got 700 odd shares already. :)

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  85. Had come across this ages ago, floating around in the interwebz. Happy to find the source.

    As someone who considers it a life mission to make non-mallus appreciate mallu food, I absolutely loved this and made everyone in office read it as well. :D

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  86. Since this is the post that made 'you' (or at the very least your blog), I thought I should leave a guest-signature.

    Point 9, e.g., is true of every cuisine; or any cuisine that has the equivalent of a 'thattukada'. kayyeendi bhavan we call it in supposedly singaara Chennai, but the I prefer the Mallu name.

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