August 3, 2013

Spaceman Spiff is lost

I’m not writing much lately. What I am doing, though, is complaining about it a lot. It’s not even writer’s block. It’s an insult to genuine writers if I call it that. Maybe it’s because of my job. It is so mindnumbingly boring that I can actually feel my brain cells dying, one by one. All I do is copy-paste and fill in mindless spreadsheets with data I care two hoots about. That’s eight and a half hours of my life that I’m never getting back, everyday.

If I dig some more, I could come up with more reasons as to why I don’t write anymore. But I know as well as anyone that those are just excuses. Excuses like lack of time, fatigue, caught up in the drudgery of household chores- but it’s more than that. I don’t know what it is. My blogger friends ask me why I haven’t updated my blog in so long, and I have no answer. Even my mom and dad have started asking me why I don’t write anymore.

It’s not like I don’t write at all. I do. I scribble in my diary sometimes, a few lines here and there. But I think more than not being able to write, I think I have lost confidence in my writing. I start writing a post, and halfway through, I decide that it’s not good enough. And I give it up. Just like that. In fact, when I started typing this post too, I was pretty sure I’ll write a paragraph and then abandon it after that. How could I give up so easily? How could I give up on something that is the very core of me, the thing that defines me, gives meaning to my life?

Maybe I’ve lost it.

There. I’ve said it. It’s out in the open. And now that I’ve actually physically typed it out, maybe I can start to deal with it.


31 comments:

  1. c'mon, don't stop, there are people like me , who just love your posts. Take a break, but comeback. I'll still be following you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not that consciously going to stop writing. It's just..not happening anymore. You know?

      Delete
  2. You haven't lost it, you are just out of touch. Give yourself a break from the drudgery and write something that you are proud of here that will make you feel better about the drudgery. Those few lines in your diary? Post them here. Get back on the horse and get going, please? Too many of us with too high expectations from your writing to let you get away with giving up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't WANT to give up. Trust me, I don't.

      Delete
  3. We all go through our writers block phases. Don't think too much about it. Definitely, our workplace and personal life obligations and environment play a key factor in it. There are some months when you could write 20 posts and still have more to say... other months, you couldnt write 2 sentences which are worth publishing.

    Just relax. Its not a competition. When you find the right words which you want to share, everyone will still be around to listen.

    Roshan
    www.godyears.net

    ReplyDelete
  4. I read all your post but I have not commented much.. I love the way you write..
    I too went through this phase when I started working. I recently started writing again. After a long time. I too had little snippets of writings everywhere. It's good that you have written this post. I hope the comments will give you the necessary inspiration to start writing superb posts again. Anyways, I will still be following your blog and waiting to comment on the next posts. :) :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot, Arpitha. Hopefully, I won't disappoint you.

      Delete
  5. Nambs it's ok.. see, you do not have to start writing that is "good enough" you have to write what you feel like writing. There is no good or bad writing. There is genuine writing and not genuine writing. And what keeps your blog going is the genuineness of it. So, take a break. Write when you feel like it. There is a natural progression of thought flow and block of thoughts. Don't try to force anything. Let the reservoir fill again. When you write new posts, we'll be back to read it. As of now, as for me, I'm still enjoying the essential food guide for Mallus. For the hundredth time

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    Replies
    1. I don't know, Hosku.. it's scary, this phase I'm going through.

      Delete
  6. When you say it is your core it remains there. You do not have to wear it on your sleeve always. There is a natural progression of though flow and block of thoughts. May be you just need to fill the reservoir again. Give it time. Don't force it. What has kept your blog going is the genuineness in your writing. So, instead of pressurising yourself for 'good writing' just focus on 'writing what you feel'. It is not necessary to have something to say always. It's ok.. when you write we'll back to read again. As of now, as for me, I'm going through your older posts. Who said that a post has to be read only once?

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  7. You are being too harsh on yourself. Don't try too hard. Take a break. And you'll be your old good self. Nothing can stop you from doing what you love. Rather, nothing must stop you from it. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe I AM being too harsh on myself. Maybe I should stop worrying so much about it, right?

      Delete
  8. C'Mon Spiff. What you need is a total makeover. Become Tracer Bullet or Stupendous Man for a change. Change the layout of the blog. Maybe that would help.:)
    Waiting for a deluge of posts from dear ol' you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah.. a blog makeover. Now that sounds like a good idea. Thanks, Hari. :)

      Delete
  9. We are no way letting you give up writing. Give up the job if you may, but writing NO.

    Take a good break, and instead of the diary rant out here. Believe me, people will still come to read it.

    Looking forward to a wonderful post. Soon.

    We love you. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Give up the job, I may soon. :/

      Thanks, love. :)

      Delete
  10. How well can I related to it! haven't written anything for months now and now I feel I cant write at all...

    However, truly speaking you write AWESOME...please start again..we all are waiting! :)

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  11. Giving up? Noo.... don't. You think that its not good enough. aah! look you have almost 300 followers! You write awesome! Take a break and come back soon with a refreshing post.

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  12. You know what, we haven't got a single holiday for a long long long time...So we compensate... and take a leave stark in the middle of a drudgingly busy weak and help ourselves, do you get a hint??? :D:D
    Well I just did that because it was office-home-do office work-eat-sleep-office for a long time…and after putting 12 hours in front of a pc I didn’t spend a minute extra for any other work in front of it…that’s what’s happening with you my girl :)
    Take a smart break ;)
    …and don’t, simply don’t, give my name when they ask you for your inspiration :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe that is what is happening. I'm just so tired by the time I come back home that I don't want to do anything more with a computer...

      And no, I won't squeal on you. :D

      Delete
  13. Its okay spiff, take a break. But please be back soon. Waiting. Really craving for your posts. So take a quick sabbatical and come back :-)

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    Replies
    1. I will be back. Meanwhile, I will look forward to your baby-updates. Loving them. :)

      Delete
  14. There's nothing called 'writing something good enough'. Write, put your heart in it and it shall turn good enough on its own. You are a gifted writer.

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  15. I am waiting impatiently for your next blog.....that's all ...and i know damn well that u can never stop writing!!!

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  16. A glimpse of your archives reveals precision, simplicity and an almost (preter)natural 'sense' of diction in your prose. The generous doses of wit only make the posts even more engaging.

    So, yes, do continue to write, when you have the time and feel up to it!

    ReplyDelete

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