“You’re still the same!”
“You haven’t changed one bit.”
“Tu kab sudharegi? Shaadi ho gayi hai. Ab tho sudhar ja!”
I get this a lot lately. A lot of my friends, family and acquaintances are rather surprised by the fact that marriage hasn’t changed me one bit. It’s as though they expected a new person would emerge out of that marriage hall, someone with a halo above her head. As though my personality would undergo a sea-change just because I’m tied to another person for life now. People, that beauty parlour that I went to for all my pre-wedding facial-scrubbing-waxing-what-not-ing was just to beautify my exterior. They were not offering any personality development/change services. Not that I would have taken it, even if they had.
So why is it such a surprise that I’m still the same old person who you’ve all known and loved and accepted for the past so many years? Forget the surprise. What kind of a change were you expecting in the first place? No no, this is not a rant. I’m just confused. I just want to have a better understanding of this. What did think would happen? That I would suddenly stop being loud and garrulous? That I would stop wearing jeans and skirts and would suddenly emerge wrapped in sari only? That I would stop making non-veg jokes? That I would keep a check on my sarcasm? That I will not start dancing in public places when I hear a catchy tune? That I would stop being a drama-queen? Dude, I’m married. I have SO much more scope for drama, now more than ever! And by some quirky twist of fate, I got married to a guy who not only tolerates all this drama, but actually encourages it! So in reality, it’s his fault. Really. He says he doesn’t feel the need for a TV because I provide all the entertainment that he requires- Dance, music, cinema, drama, sex, violence (Err.. I kinda like biting. Let’s just leave it at that, ok?), comedy. And all this in high quality sound and picture! Man, he should be paying me a monthly cable-bill, right?
But really, does marriage necessarily change a person? SHOULD it bring about any change? I don’t know. I honestly don’t. While my core personality hasn’t undergone a change (What? I’ve been like that for 26 years. I can’t just change overnight! Give me some time. Like, my whole lifetime), there have been a few alterations. Enhancements, if I can put it that way. The changes may not be visible to the outer world, but within you, you know some things are different. In some way or the other, marriage does change you. Like-
a) I’m a much calmer person now. I used to short-tempered, losing my calm at the drop of a hat. I’m not so bad now. And it’s not because my husband has had a calming effect on me. It’s because HE tends to lose his calm at the drop of a hat. So I’ve learnt to hold mine. At least one of us needs to be calm, right?
b) I’m better at confrontations now. I’m really trying my best to open up about a problem, instead of just bottling up everything and letting it fester. I’m more willing to talk about an issue and find a solution for it. And you know why? Because men JUST CANNOT TAKE THE HINT. They cannot understand what they’ve done to piss you off (alright, alright. It’s not their fault ALL the time). You HAVE to spell it out for them. They can crack the IIT entrance, they can be IIM graduates, they can go to the moon, they can be leaders of the country, they can be CEO’s, they can write books, they can cook, they can take the trash out-they can do anything and everything. Except understand women and how their mind works. Sad, but true. So it’s up to us women to make them understand. Because let’s face it, how long can you continue to sulk, expecting them to remember what they did to piss you off two days back? A good chunk of your life will go into this. So girls (married or unmarried), remember. You need to tell them what they did wrong. When they ask you “What did I do?”, they’re not being defensive. They genuinely don’t know. They honestly did not think what they did or said was so earth-shattering that you would sulk about it for two days. When you say “Nothing, I’m fine”, they actually believe it. So if you’re not fine, don’t say you are. You’re just going to lose a good few days over it. Trust me. SPELL. IT. OUT. FOR. THEM.
c) You tend to stop thinking in terms of ‘I’, and start thinking in terms of “we”. We need to buy a dining table, we don’t want a TV. I don’t know if this is good or bad. It’s soon for me to tell.
d) You do tend to become a bit more responsible. The decisions that you take, you tend to think it over many times, because it’s not just you alone anymore. Your decisions may affect the other person’s life too.
e) You tend to start worrying if your period is even a day late. Actually, this has got nothing to do with being married. But the difference is that along with you, your husband also starts worrying. And you have someone who is bound by the law to put up with all your PMS-ing. Ha ha. Marriage is so cool, I tell you.
f) You start checking out for furniture and home appliances as opposed to clothes and shoes. Or maybe it’s just us. :/
g) People stop asking you "How're are you doing?", "How's life?" Instead, they completely forget about you and ask "How is your husband?", "How's married life?" Pfft. I don't like it. I don't like it at all.
These are some of the things that I can think of right now. But essentially, as a person, I haven’t changed much. Like I told one of my friends, I never gave anyone any guarantee that I’ll ever change. Na- ah.
I just realised that I didn’t share even a single wedding pic with you guys. So here are some.
And that's Acha, Amma and Chech. My support, my life, my everything.
|And so we were pronounced Husband and Wife.|
|What? It was MY wedding reception. Obviously I take centrestage. We did a li'l flash mob kinda thing. This was part of that. :)|
|Like I said, I haven't changed. At all.|
BEST. POST. EVER !!!ReplyDelete
Love the post, love the pics... oh this is gonna be a hilarious marriage. :D
Thank you so much, Doc!Delete
Oh ya, hilarious is the right word. :D
Oh my my! I am so so happy to see the last pic. That's my image of you and it shall stay. I missed meeting S the last time; should come down to see you both in drama :) Loads of love. Yes, you both look adorable. totally.ReplyDelete
Come down soon na!Delete
And the drama is mostly only by me. He is just a silent spectator and supporter. ;)
you know i love you dahlinggg :):):) and be as you are. its just about the right combination of madness and poise :*ReplyDelete
lovely pics..got reminded of that time once again. zahahaha list i tell you. with just about 3 weeks kinda left for the getting hitched part in my life, this is is what i should be reading.
thenkyou for the motivation. \m/
I lous you too. :* :)Delete
You'll be writing one like this soon..
You are too cool! Don't change. :DReplyDelete
I loved the pics, the madness and cuteness in the last pic, especially. And yes, you do look very pretty. Congratulations on managing to stay sane and yourself in this insane world!
The last pic was actually an almost-replica of a pic that I had taken a few years back, at a friend's wedding- silk sari and sunglasses. :p S tells me that that's the pic he fell for. :DDelete
Thanks, love. :)
Thank God that you haven't changed. And oh, I forgot what I was writing. Hmmm, lemme think... Oh, yes, you do look pretty good in the snaps :PReplyDelete
Thank you! :)Delete
First of all, hats off! You have got all the enhancements, if I may put it that way, that marriage teaches people. There is no need for any change beyond this at this point. I am seriously confused by what people mean by change after marriage. Being the same old two people but just that enjoying that quirkiness of the other, sharing a laugh, is what marriage is about. Why should there be a change in personality?ReplyDelete
Anyway, the pics are so pretty and my favorite is the family pic. Awesome click :)
Exactly. I seriously don't understand what it is that people mean by 'change' after marriage. :/Delete
The family pic is my favourite too. :)
Next time someone expects change from you, kindly give them two 2 rubees coins and tell them, 'This is all the change I could manage'. :P :DReplyDelete
And how pretty are you..??
I would rate you 7.9/10. *runs away* ;-)
Orae comedy, maccha! :pDelete
7.9/10? That's being generous. Thank you! :)
When you are the Female embodiment of Human perfection, why do you seek change? Alright, assuaging your ego aside, I liked seeing those pics. And you look just gorgeous. Hell, your whole family is just beautiful.ReplyDelete
I think change occurs when we are confronted with a situation we think is monumental. We human are pretty static when it comes to our attitudes. In order for a change to happen, something radical has to happen to change your mindset.
Female embodiment of Human perfection? Err.. me? :/ Enthina veruthe ingane kaalu vaarunne, maashe? Jeevicchu poykotte!Delete
Thank you. :)
Came back here after a loong time! I guess you were also busy getting married :PReplyDelete
Congratulations :) I just loved this post! Individuality is very important in a merger, may it be of any kind. There is no point in being a wife, who is not herself. The post brings out an honest account and Kudos to you for penning it down!
Thank you, Akanksha. :)Delete
A wallflower wife is the last thing I ever wanted to be. And luckily, I got married to a guy who DIDN'T want a wallflower for a wife. *touchwood* :)
Such lovely pictures :) Hahaaaa, the last one is epic. :DReplyDelete
Thank you! :)Delete
I know tht u ll never ever change.....ReplyDelete
u r freaking awesome the way u r :)
Then about "spelling out issues to guys"...... u need to conduct a nationwide seminar on the topic(because 9/10 times women prefer sulking)
Coming from you, that means a hell lot. :)Delete
A nationwide seminar? :D Really? I'll do it when I myself stop sulking completely (which would be never, most probably).
Hey Namesake. Remember me? :)ReplyDelete
Gosh, I haven't been to this blog in ages. I'm glad I did, today. I'll tell you why a little later.
First of all, Congrats on the wedding.
The next time somebody asks you why you haven't changed post wedding, you should ask them what century they live in. I'm so happy for you; so glad that married life's been treating you great.
I can relate to a lot of things you say here. And My! Relationship gyan and all, eh? Love that. You're so right girl. Love your attitude. :)
So that's how you look, now. Yeah now ;) We've met -- over a decade ago. I'm not kidding. I had to get to the family photo to realise why you looked familiar. :)
I think I do remember you now. :) I've left a comment on one of your posts. Let me know if I got it right, ok?Delete
Yup, got it. Thank you.Delete
I'm copy-pasting my comment reply:
You're so right, D. :) I did come down to TVM to do a couple of internships (at a travel mag and at Indian Express)
Did I tell you you look gorgeous in those wedding photographs? You do. :)
My regards to Chandran uncle and aunty and a big Hi to Lakshmi, ok.
Thanks for sharing your wedding pics with us...ReplyDelete
We do make a few adjustments here and there after marriage.
I never did the laundry, dishes, groceries, toilet cleaning (gulp) before marriage...at least not on a weekly basis :P
Adjustments and compromises are an inevitable part of marriage. Hard to co-exist, otherwise.Delete
Like they say, its a marriage. Not rebirth. What's to change? :)ReplyDelete
Thank you so much for making it for my big day. Whattey sexy pic of yours has come I say. Wait until I post it :D
So true. It's a marriage, not rebirth. Pfft. :/Delete
Ok, you seriously need to stop thanking me. It was my pleasure to attend your reception. :)
I'm off FB for a while. SO do let me know when you post the pic, ok? I'll check it out then.
So true ! Its a marriage not rebirth :D I had to go through the same thing after marriage...why are people expecting me to be mature? Or serious? wth ! And now that I have a child, I am not allowed to cry in pain during a dental appointment or when a TT is being taken - because I have gone through labor pain already. Does that mean that it will nullify all other pains? Or will other pains like that of a TT injection feel good after labor? Hell no people. It still hurts !ReplyDelete
By the way you definitely looke like a Malayali Manka ..u know? Very very pretty ! Thanks for sharing pics, not many do it :-)
Howdy - enjoyed reading this post as much all the others.ReplyDelete
In accordance with the social protocol in pointer G - I just popped in to ask - How is your husband? How's married life? :D
Girl, you are looking stunning...But damn this explorer I could not see a few pics especially the last one :DReplyDelete
Do mail me your pics, please :)
Making adjustments and changing your attitude are two different things..You automatically make certain adjustments w/o conscious realization whereas attitude is a totally different thing.. I am so glad you haven't changed...You are crazily cool just the way you are :)
N well I have some questions for you… "How is your husband?" “How's married life?" :D
Hahaha.... I cant believe that our posts these days are so much about our husbands and married life..:P Shhh....ReplyDelete
Will tell you what changes have come by after marriage when I google call you ;)
I only have one question for you. How are you and Captain ( Mr. Fluffy Tail) doing? Are you guys being nice to each other? Do I get to see him in your arms when I come to Chennai? :-D
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The Shaded Shadows
Take Care. :)
Wonderfully written, wonderfully expressed....... :)ReplyDelete
Enjoyed reading this post...its been wonderfully expressed about your transform from being a maiden to a mistress.... ;)ReplyDelete
Wish you a very happy married life.
One grammar nazi bumps into another :D Can you please check- "I used to short-tempered, losing my calm at the drop of a hat. "ReplyDelete
Used to be?
Congratulations to both of you for this lovely milestone in life :)