September 13, 2012

The bumpy ride called marriage

You know how I’m getting married in December and all that jazz, right?

Ever since it all got finalized, I’ve had this niggling feeling at the back of my mind, whether everything will be fine or not. It is but natural, considering I’m a constant worrier. Would we get along well? Will we be able to co-exist peacefully?

I mean, we ARE quite different.

Me- loud : He- comparatively quiet.
Me- drama queen : He- level-headed.
Me- Starts dancing even in autos to Himesh Reshammiya songs (I’m NOT proud of it): He- has two left feet,
Me- follows Bollywood and actually READS Filmfare and doesn’t buy it just to look at the pictures : He- doesn’t watch movies at all that much.
Me- lazybones: He- quite the fitness freak.
Me- LOVES her weekends and staunchly believes in “There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want": He: can’t sit still even on weekends.
Me- can’t stand others’ mess: he- is quite good at messing up the place.
Me- to whom people say “Oh god, stop laughing so loud! People are looking!”: He- should definitely laugh more often. He likes his brooding persona way too much.
Me- does things like calling up someone on their birthday ten times during the day and simply wishing them, quotes dialogues from Malayalam movies a bit too often, sings “Sutta na mila” along with the MC-BC lyrics loudly while riding pillion on someone’s bike, etc.: He- has his quirks but doesn’t display them so blatantly to the rest of the world.

I think I should end the list here before I freak myself out completely.

So yes, these small things have been at the back of my mind. I mean, I’m happy with him and all that, which is why I said yes in the first place, but you know… you know? Then I thought, “What’s the fun if two people are exactly of the same personality? They should complement each other, right?”

It’s with this khichdi in my head that I started reading Yashodhara Lal’s “Just married, Please Excuse”. And Ma’m, may I just say, Thank. You. So. Much.

Just Married… is the (true) story of Yashodhara and Vijay, two very different people who fall in love and get married. She’s a city girl from Delhi, he’s from small town Jaipur. She loves non-veg, he’s a Brahmin who eats only chicken nuggets and eggs. She’s quite the firebrand, he’s slightly less of a firebrand. They both have an opinion on every single thing, and more often than not, the opinions differ.

Yashodhara takes us on a trip through their marriage, right from where he proposes (not exactly the most romantic proposal) to where they’re struggling with being first-time parents. The book is filled with vignettes from their lives that are so funny, I was laughing uproariously through most of it. A first date watching ducks and fishing, the seemingly unending search for a bright-blue sofa that doesn't sweat and in the process, making life hell for the salespersons, likening Vijay in his wedding attire to a giant tube of Colgate toothpaste are some of the hilarous one. And the beauty of it is that it is all so real (or at least I’m assuming it is). The problems that they face are common ones that probably every married couple goes through. The characters are people you and I can relate to (Dear Yashodara, what I could relate to the most about you was your sarcasm).

It’s a very unpretentious book. There aren’t fancy-sounding words or long-winding sentences that'll stop making sense halfway through. The author doesn’t try to paint any rosy pictures about marriage. She tells it like it is, without giving any unnecessary gyaan. She just narrates their story, and leaves it to us to derive lessons from it.

And what’s the lesson that I’ve learnt? That it’s not impossible. You can be as different as chalk and cheese, but can still make the marriage work. All it takes is a LOT of effort and a few sessions with a psycho marriage counselor who’ll make you realize that marriage isn’t one of those things that can be repaired in ’12 steps’. It’s entirely up to the husband and the wife to make it work. If both of them want to hang on to each other come what may, then they’ll find a way to make it happen. It’s about accepting and embracing each other’s differences and loving them for it. Don’t let ego ruin the relationship, and be willing to make small little adjustments that’ll ultimately make things a whole lot better for both of you. Oh and love and all that jazz too (I won’t comment woo much about this one).

So what if Yashodhara didn’t give gyaan. I never said I won’t.

The book has a lot of heart. It is deliciously sarcastic, funny, witty, humorous, and any other synonym you can think of for the same. If you pass it off thinking it's just another run-of-the-mill Indian author trying to ply her IIM story or as a chicklit, then you're missing out on a truly good book. It’s one of those books that, when you finish reading it, wish there was more of. The book has made me hopeful that S & I will be just fine, as long as we both really want to make it work. Thank you for that, Mrs. Yashodhara Lal. You have earned yourself a fan.


  1. :-) Ahh well....what can I of luck...for whatever comes ahead.. :-)

  2. Your reviews are really cool. I am going to pick up this book. Sounds like a super fun read. I can imagine Mrs. Yashodhara Lal jumping up and down with joy as she reads this. I hope she does. :)

  3. Oh I can't even get started on the differnces between Cal and me. But you know what, there needs to be a lot of differences. Else you will ending up living with well, you!! And you know, it ain't easy. Imagine handling two of you! :D

    The book good for to be married people eh? I'm having cold feet already, so let me know if the book helps..

    P.S: The similarities between Mr.S and Cal is freaking me out!

  4. Hey, Congrats on your Marriage.. It's going to be just fine. People really don't have to be all that similar to live happily. In fact many cases , it helps if they are different.. The only thing to remember is NEVER DO IT EXPECTING THE OTHER PERSON TO CHANGE THEIR BASIC NATURE. You should both be happy accepting the other one as they are right now.. Then things will work out great.. :) It is a bumpy ride.. but aren't roller coasters fun.. :)

  5. Loved your 'Me&He' list :)
    All the best Spiff!!!!

  6. Your life is going to great and that is all.

  7. Thanks Divya :) ...

    And Destiny's Child -I'm jumping up and down so much these days that I've sprained my neck. Ha ha ha.

  8. Oye! Where'd my comment go? I said Thanks to you Divya and assured Destiny's child that 'I'm jumping up and down so much these days that I've sprained my neck.'

    And it's not just the Zumba.

  9. Chillax... if two people want to make it work, noone can separate them. If two don't, wel.. noone can keep them together either. Adjustments are a part and parcel of the game.

  10. I agree with Roshan here.. it's the willingness to make it work that counts.. or for that matter the willing ness to make it "not work"...
    Always takes two to tango.. both have to equally give and take, and any imbalance in that equation can spell disaster.
    Take care and all the best!!

  11. Congrats! And I know you will be fine :)

  12. My first comment and its a rather anxious one - where the hell are you? Why hasn't there been an update since September 13, 2012 - the day you decide to blog in detail about your marriage??

  13. Relationships are hard work. Whether you are similar or different. My ex and I were similar in many ways and different in others but unfortunately, they were all the wrong things. Eg. we were both stubborn. Trying to resolve an argument was monumental! I haven't had a relationship with someone who is completely different so won't know there.

    Good luck with the wedding and the marriage. Hopefully ,post-wedding, you will be back to blogging a lot more.

  14. Congrats Congrats on your wedding!!! I am sooo thrilled to know a fellow blogger is going down that road. And what's more, I absolutely admire and salute your guts! Loads of love, hugs and kisses from Malaysia! xx

  15. Hey! I've got a new book out 'Sorting Out Sid' - and am currently running a contest on my blog around 'Beer and bloggers' :) - would love to have you participate. Take a look? It's up at


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