Dontcha wish your country was cool like mine?! Dontcha!!

Why we Indians think we are the coolest thing to have happened to the world since low-waist jeans and Elvis Presley:-

# We have ATM’s. We also have dustbins in the ATM’s. But we would rather make a carpet out of the receipt slips than put them in the dustbins. That way, the dirt on the floor can be hidden. Way cooler.

# We have railway tracks. We also have trains running on them. And we also have people shitting on those tracks, and occasionally, people get pushed on to the tracks too. Who else will make such multiple uses of the railways?

# We don’t believe in standing in queues. That’s for people with a lot of time on their hands, and we don’t have that. We pleasantly ignore the people waiting in the queue and push to the head of the line. We are in a hurry, we have other places to grace our presence with.

# That’s also the reason why our population is steadily increasing. We are always in a hurry. And we are proud of it.

# The roads are not for the faint-at-heart. It’s for the warriors like us. We race, we honk like mad, we cut traffic signals, we bump someone off their vehicle, we swear generously, and we reach our destination. I mean, isn’t that what really matters?

# Yes, yes! We’re a developing country! We have built IT parks, we have the best hospitals, we have the best of educational institutions. We have even built public urinals on roads. But we still prefer to pee against the walls or under trees. You see, it’s beneficial for the trees. There is a do-gooder in every one of us.

# We believe in the power of human contact. That’s why we overload our buses and autos. The more the people, the better the contact, the higher the chances of being groped. We try our best to do noble (not to be mistaken with ‘nude’) gestures.

# We understand that every woman wants to be appreciated and complimented. That’s why we whistle at them and pass comments. Tch tch. And you thought we were perverts. We are such a misunderstood bunch.

# We are proud of our culture and our scriptures. Especially the Kamasutra. That’s why we are eager to try out as many positions as possible. Getting the girl to agree is difficult, but that doesn’t deter us. Sometimes we just gag and bound the girl, but we take care to use the softest cloth and ropes.

# We do not have Osama bin Laden-types in our country!!! But we do have politicians. No connection though, whatsoever.

# We know our National Anthem by rote. We sang it for 12 years in school during morning assembly. That’s why we don’t bother to stand up when it is played in multiplexes and other functions. We’ve already been there done that.

# We don't believe in interfering in other people's lives. So we don't do anything when something happens to others. We wait for it happen to us. Every dog has a day, after all. That's the right thing to do, isn't it?

You see now, why we love our country and are proud to be an Indian?