I want to throw my phone away and go somewhere.
Someplace where there is no internet or television. Or annoying questions that I have no answers to. No, not like the Bigg Boss house. I don’t want familiar people around either.
No, I don’t know when I’m getting married. When I know, I’ll announce it to the world and send you the card, ok?
No, I don’t know how long I’m gonna stay in this job. When I know, I’ll tell, ok?
No, I have no fucking clue when I’m moving out of Hyderabad. When I decide, I will mail you the scanned copy of my ticket, ok?
Till then, fucking stop asking me.
No, I’m not gonna get married and have babies just because my friends are. If I had to follow the crowd, I would’ve joined engineering and be writing back-papers now.
What do you mean, “Why did you cut your hair? Why did you pierce your nose?” What sort of a question is that? Why does anybody cut their hair or pierce their nose or ears or belly button? For world peace? No!!! I do it because I bloody want to!
Why do you ask so many questions? Was it your life’s secret ambition to become a quizmaster?
I want to go to some place where no one knows me or I don’t know anybody. Where people won’t have round-table conferences to discuss why the skinny girl has put on weight. Where I won’t have to meet deadlines or lie about why I haven’t turned in the story yet. Where I won’t be forced to wear stupid kurtas and leggings just because it is the ‘dress code’. Where I can streak my hair purple and colour my nails green.
I want to go someplace where I can sing at the top of my voice and no one will look weirdly at me. Where I can wear shorts and roam around. I want to go to sleep at 4 in the morning, wake up at 11, have breakfast at 1, lunch at 5, margaritas for tea. Or maybe, not go to sleep at all. I don’t want to know what time of the day it is. I want to eat when I’m hungry and sleep when I’m sleepy. Not eat because I’m supposed to eat at a particular time of the day or sleep because I’m supposed to sleep at a particular time.
I want to go for long walks, just observing. No talking. Who will I talk to, if I’m going alone? Long walks with no set direction or duration. Just walk till my feet hurt. I will have a small notebook and a pencil stub in my pocket, with which I’ll scribble stuff that I observe during my walk.
I want to be at such a place from where I can see the sun rise and set. Where the wind is so strong, it messes up my hair and makes my eyes water.
I want to be at a beach that doesn’t resemble a parade ground. All I want with me is the sand and the waves. I want to walk on the beach with the wind in my hair and sand at my feet, and trace my name in the damp sand, hurriedly before the waves come and wash it off.
I want to spend the whole day writing and scribbling nonsense that I will never post or publish. Write with my hand, not type on my laptop. And then I will smell the paper to take in the fragrance of pencil.
I want to lie on my back and watch the stars and moon at night. Just watch them for hours, humming Rafi and Kishore songs softly to myself. Occasionally a “Hello darkness, my old friend”, maybe. And then when I fall asleep right there, I don't want anyone to wake me up and tell me to 'go inside and sleep', because I don't want to.
I don’t want to expect anyone’s arrival. Nor anyone to expect mine.
I don’t want to wait for anyone. Nor anyone to wait for me.
I don’t want to be answerable to anyone. Nor anyone to me.
I want to be some place where I won’t have to answer an endless barrage of questions.
Yes, this is a rant.
No, this is not aimed at anyone in particular. It’s aimed at everyone in general.
Pardon the use of abuses. I’m sorry. Well, not all that much.