December 1, 2011

…that it’s just meant to be

They fell into bed together even before they fell in love.

Not because they were desperate. Simply because it felt like the most natural thing in the world, you know.

They didn’t talk about how they will sit on their porch together and watch the sunset, deciding on names for their babies. They did not discuss about what sort of a house they will build, their house of dreams. He didn’t tell her how much he loved her laugh or how beautiful she looked in the morning. She didn’t appreciate how caring he is or how she loved the fact that he made her laugh.

Instead, they spoke about how much they wanted to kiss. They spoke about how they turned each other on. They spoke about how they can’t seem to keep their hands off each other. They spoke about luscious lips and broad shoulders. They both knew, even without saying it as much, that they would end up 'doing it’, sooner or later, because, you know, it felt like the most natural thing in the world for them.

They did not want love. That’s not what they were looking for. Love was rubbish, they both agreed. It had only brought them pain so far. Their pasts had taught them that. So they had decided, mutually, that there were no commitments from either of them. Nope. None whatsoever. They didn’t want to give a name to this. They were happy the way things were. He had never felt this way for any girl. No girl had ever turned him on the way she did, and she wasn’t even a babe. But there was something about her. She hadn’t felt this sort of dizziness around any other guy. Each time he was around, the world stopped spinning around her. It was just him and her. In many ways, they were xerox copies of each other.

She knew that this may never last. She was no fool. And definitely not an emotional fool. She knew what kind of a guy he was. He was the kind who ran in the other direction at the mere mention of love and commitment. But at that point, that’s exactly what she wanted. No commitment. No future. No “Where is this going?” No "We'll go to Mauritius on our honeymoon." No "We'll have one son and one daughter". She was aware that at a later point in life, she might regret it, but she also knew that she didn’t want to live her entire life not knowing what being passionate about someone was. She didn’t want to regret that she had the opportunity to feel that way for somebody, but had let it pass because she was afraid to take a risk. She had never been a risk-taker, but she was willing take one, just this one.

And so she did. They did. It was the first time for both of them. The very first. And it was not tender and soft or anything of that sort. It was mad, urgent, crazy. They couldn’t wait to explore each other’s bodies. It was an adventure for them.

But when it came to the actual thing, they couldn’t do it. Because it was just too painful for her. They tried and tried. But he couldn’t bear to see her in so much of pain. She didn’t want to disappoint him, so she held back her cry. But the minute he saw her tears, he stopped. I’m sorry, she said. Never mind, he said. We’ll try some other time.

So they tried again. But it refused to work out. Somehow, it just wasn’t happening. How come when they show it in movies and write about it in books, they make it out to be so easy, they asked each other. They would try for a while, and then they would just lie there, exhausted. Exhausted just out of trying. And then gradually, they started talking more. Talking about their lives, their past, their dreams, their hopes. They started sharing about each other. They spoke about how they were both afraid to commit because they had lost faith in love. They spent many afternoons, lying next to each other, wondering what this was. He was still afraid to commit, and she still didn’t know if she wanted a relationship. She even told him that if he ever decides to walk away, she will never try to hold him back, but will always think of him as the guy who had stirred never-before-felt feelings in her. She would always remember him as the guy she had almost given her virginity to.

And then, somewhere along the way, it had stopped being just physical. Somewhere along the way, emotions had crept in, unknowingly. Somewhere along the way, love had crept in. The bastard.

And that’s when they stopped trying to have sex and started making love. And then it happened. Just like that. The magic happened. It didn't hurt anymore.

Maybe falling into bed together before they fell in love worked for them, in some weird, inexplicable way.

He’s still afraid of commitment. And she still considers him the biggest risk she ever took.

But they both know…

51 comments:

  1. I will be very frank about this.. I was wondering how passion can come without any emotion.. I believe there is a fine line between passion and lust.. Lust is when "anyone will do" but passion is "only that person turns you on".. And passion I feel is a strong emotion. Like it turned out in the end :)
    Love-the bastard, finds people when they are least looking for it :)

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  2. maybe thats what it was .. falling into bed and then into love ..

    it al ldepends on people how they react .. but i am happy in the end it worked out for both of them..

    wish life was all that rosy and things happened as they are supposed to be :) IF ONLY...

    Bikram's

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  3. Wow..just loved it..lady you write so beautifully:)

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  4. okay, awestruck I am! happy now?
    It was like sooo good! Something like Friends with benefits or No strings attached! And, love actually has the capability to creep into ANY space! Sucha bastard na?! ;)

    Cute post, yet passionate! <3 <3

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  5. Wow..today seems to be a day of awesome story reads for me. Loved it - brought out the emotional ordeal of being in something inexplicable so beautifully. Proved yet again that we need not need a logic or rationale for doing something..sometimes it is just better to go with the heart!

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  6. aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh !!!!!
    what aaaaa posttttt!!!
    bang on dude...
    love can't stay far behind..
    it follows passion somehow or the other..
    ur writing style is so massssstt
    loved it..!!
    cheers !!

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  7. At the end of the story, I had a smile on my face!! Loved it very much. And I guess the story portrays that emotions make a lot of difference.

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  8. They both do know!!! When the majic finally happens it's is just so amazing. I've lived part of this so I know exactly what the feeling is like.

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  9. Divya...I liked this one.

    And the title completes the last sentence - am I right?

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  10. Well-narrated! I also believe in the sentiments conveyed in the story - that lust can lead to love; just like how we believe the reverse is true. It is a possibility; like how the story ends without really telling whether it led to 'true' love.
    Really well-written Spiff!

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  11. Wow, what a wonderful story.. it was soo damn beautiful .. I'd say that this is the love story of our age n time.. n we're proud of it.. gone r the days whn ppl wrote letters, hd pigeons or 'waited'.. loved the flow, loved the way u described it n loved the twist in the end... I'd rate this easily as one of ur bests, Spiff.. a brilliant one to start the morning with...

    Welcum back, Spiff Master ;)

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  12. I am a believer of love and passion and I would want to differ. Falling into bed without falling into love gives me shudders, but maybe that is what I am. I can never do that. I accept that I am an emotional fool but I don't regret it, because emotions keep me alive.

    At the same time, I also agree that it is not the same for everyone. Each person will have their way of doing things that will work out for them. And my belief is whatever or whichever way people try to do it, love creeps in, at the end :)

    Awesome writing!

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  13. @maithili: Passion definitely is a very strong emotion.. And love happens to those who were not looking for it at all. :)

    @Bikramjit: You know, people just feel that there is a particular pattern to be followed in a relationship. First love, then the physical aspct. But whta if it's the other way round? Will it be any less of love? I wonder...

    @Richa: Thank you.. :)

    @Paanipuri lover: Thanks. :)

    @Sinduja: Exactly! What I wrote in one whole post, you summarized it in a few lines! :)

    @meoww: :) Thanks.. and this post wasn't just about love.. This was more about the possibility of it working out the other way round too..

    @Writing Bee: Hey, thanks. :) And emotions.. well, I personally feel they're a tad overrated. As long as it's under control, then there's nothing to worry about.

    @Pinx: I'm so glad you could relate to it.. :)

    @Vijitha: You're the only one who figured it out so far. :) Yes, the title completes the last line. Hi-faive on that! :)

    @Vinitha: Exactly, that's what I was trying to say. People tend to believe that even in love, there has to be a certain convention followed. Like an algorithm. First this, then the next step. But what if the physical chemistry between two people is stronger than the emotional one? Should that be condemned? Does that mean they don't have a shot at love? Is feeling physically attracted towards another person a sin?
    Glad you liked it. :)

    @RAJ: Gosh! Thank you so much, Raj. :) And I'm not sure if this is the love story of our age. I mean, there still are people who believe in the traditional love. But there is another kind of love too. The no-logic-no-explanation kind of love. :)

    @Keirthana: Ah, well, some people don't believe in conventions, my dear. :) And love.. I don't know, sometimes I feel it's slightly over-rated.. it works out differently for different people, I guess. :)

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  14. Oh.My.God!

    One fiction story after a long time that totally swept me off my feet.

    no un-necessary drama, no jibber-jabber of complicated vocabulary that one blacks out while reading.

    I Loved this story divya. My fav post on ur blog indeed!

    :)

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  15. This was expressed beautifully. True how love comes your way when you least expect it. And it is best that way :)

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  16. That was a really thought-provoking post :) The kind which makes you realize that the world doesn't go by the conventions one believes to be 'correct'.
    I don't know...lust might be a wild emotion, but does it really have the thrill of love? Anyway, I am really not the right person to comment, having experienced neither :D

    So I'll talk about your writing, which is as fresh as ever. I like! :)

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  17. Woooowwwww .. that was some post..
    No strings attached relationship is something people always feel after a heartbreak.. But yes, passion is also an emotion...and love tends to creep in.. some point in time or the other.. strange na?!?

    Love this post Spiff... you write so well.. :)

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  18. This is one of the best post I have ever read... The whole thing was jus so natural... And it was beautiful too, in its own way... How amazingly put... U can be proud of yourself for thinking this up... Loved it...

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  19. OMG!

    This is an exact page from my life. Phew! Beautiful this was. Looking back at what I thought was a mistake I feel it was worth it after reading this.

    Yeah yeah, we both still know :)

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  20. Doode. DOODE.

    I don't even want to start. You know what I'm going to say.

    Even though I know that you like hearing people say it, I won't:P Because I know you know what I want to say.

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  21. You know what? This is one of the best I have ever read!
    Beautiful it is.
    And, well, love is painful at the same time beautiful.
    I don't know what to write but then it's the story which has left me speechless!

    Awesome this is! :)

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  22. Superbly done. :)

    I was patiently waiting for the twist. :) and it came. Twice.


    Keep writing this way. :)

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  23. Im just gonna give you a kiss muaah! :*

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  24. @All: Thank you so much. :) Sorry for not replying individually to your comments. Kinda in a crappy mood.

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  25. Aww doll, hope you're feeling better. If you want a laugh at someone's expense (me, specifically) to ease the crappiness from your day, go read about my nightmare of a stalker.

    And this is perfect! A great piece that can became a start of a novel. Think about it. I love the way it began and I love how realistic this is. None of this, shaadi before kundi.

    Pardon the Malayalam =)

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  26. @Darsh: Hmm.. beginning of a novel. Definite possibility. Let me see if I can work on it. :)
    And are you a Mallu? I didn't know that! :O

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  27. I'm a half breed ;) Mum Mallu, dad Tamil.

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  28. Nice. Fast paced and high on emotion. Landed up here from PeeVee's blog. Yep a deserving award! :)

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  29. i just loved the whole story!
    and hey you gotta new follower :)

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  30. aaa haa so moral of the story is some foreplay is important before THE THING :D :D :D

    came through PeeVee.. congrats on ur award :) :)..

    not a believer of sex b4 marriage.. but don't judge people who believe otherwise.. just glad that in the end it was love, emotion & passion that made IT happen :) :)

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  31. You know this story reminded me of the movie Friends with Benefits. It is loosely based on the same threads. But I just loved the narration and the strong passionate emotions that you have expressed. A very beautiful piece of literature, it is.

    Keep it up! =)

    And I'm glad to be here as you have got a really good blog! :)

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  32. @Sameera: Thank you. :)

    @Youzie: Thanks! Hope you stick around. :)

    @Sukupedia: Oh no. the moral of the story is, if you decide to stick only to conventions, be it in life or love, then you might lose out on some of the best things that could've happened to you. Foreplay and sex has got nothing to do with it, my dear. Well, only maybe a little. And we Indians have been conditioned to believe that sex before marriage is a sin. Because it is considered that sex itself is a sin.
    But ya, like you said, to each his own. :)
    Welcome to my space!

    @Mirage: I haven't seen that movie yet. Should watch it soon.:)
    Thanks!

    @Happy go lucky: Thank you! :)

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  33. Passionately beautiful!

    that 'C' word (commitment) is a creepy one for most of us.

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  34. Wonderful, quite reflects my thoughts many years ago: http://imsri.blogspot.com/2005/04/just-do-it.html

    KIU!

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  35. very well written..I am glad PeeVee brought me here...
    it echoes so much of what happens-it is in your face without bending the head with shame!

    there are relationships based just on physicality-no questions asked, no answers devised and are just as beautiful, as strong and as urgent as any other!

    i do not believe that you can be passionate only with emotions attached-sometimes physical urgency takes control!

    very impressive read!:-)

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  36. That was really beautiful...
    "Beware child,for love is a bizarre thing.It's an animal in the dark and you have no clue when it will be upon you"

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  37. @Beyong Horizon: Very true. I guess the problem is we just analyze our relationships too much...

    @Phatichar: Thank you. :)

    @Sindhu: Thanks. :)

    @Suruchi: So true. SOmetimes, it's important to just let go, right? Like you said, no questions asked, no answers told...
    Thanks. :)

    @Blue Lotus: Where have you been? Missed having you around...

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  38. Bang on!! you just explained it!! exactly how i feel about my girlfriend now!! seriously..!!

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  39. Oh my God!! This is probably the first post i have read on your blog and i know i am hooked!

    I haven't read a more beautiful description of love, the bastard!!

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  40. Was travelling, so missed this one. *kick* but OMG, what a story! You are back with a BANG, I see! Lovely story, and is one that looks entirely plausible ;-) !

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  41. This was very poignant..........like the work of one who has years of writing experience behind her ( no offense intended)\
    'twas very nice

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  42. @Nirvana: Thanks! :)

    @Madhuri: Why would I get offended at such a lovely compliment, my dear. :) You just made my day...

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  43. Enna parayaanaa... How can you write something so elegant and wonderfully poignant and stop just like that.. I just cant keep myself from reading more and more of your posts..
    And I ask myself once more, Where was i all this while/

    CLA CLAP CLAP..Attagirl!

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  44. Hello Divya,

    I spent an enitire afternoon yesterday at work reading your blog and was so hooked on to it that I left the page open,locked my PC and went home, only to see the same page open this morn,to continue to read it. Should I have to reiterate that this blog of urs is the best I have come across ever?
    Such an honest,beautiful, down to earth account of a simple girl. I could relate to it very easily as am tvm bred too, with parents hailing from outside tvm (so vacations always meant packing and unpacking), done grad and post grad outside kerala ,who fell in love with a classmate, disclosed it to parents, waited for him to disclose to his parents which he never did for he 'feared'! So much of my past I recollected, I must admit!
    Your blog also took me back to those days when an 'express interest' from the boy's side set the ball rolling. Ah, the days of proposal hunt that my parents went thru and finally am married to E-XXXXXXX (nt sure what kerala matrimony uses at present to identify mallus) . That was 3 yrs back and am living a happy happy married life now!

    Guess it was just meant to be! :-) Please do continue to bring smile on as many as u can (as in, pls pls do not stop writing).

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    Replies
    1. Hey there! Hi-faive on all the similarities. You too from TVM?? Thalle! :D

      EXXXXXX is still how they name profiles on KM. :) I was there for a brief while, which is where I finally met my husband. And that too was thanks to my writing. They told me to write, so I did! I wrote the most ridiculous, brutally honest profile that anyone will ever find on KM (yes, I'm THAT confident of it), and my husband was one of the few who made the mistake of falling for it (too late for him now :p)

      Thanks for dropping by. And I sincerely hope you stick around. :)

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