There used to be a time when I watched a whole lot of Hindi serials, right from ‘Hip Hip Hurray’ to ‘Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi’. Actually, obsessively followed, is more like it. Thankfully, I grew out of that phase. Yes, I still obsessively watch FRIENDS, but I don’t consider it in the same category.( If you do, too bad. Sue me.)
One thing that is quite common with many of these soaps is their title. Their mile-long titles that have been borrowed (or ‘inspired’, as they like to say it) from the lyrics of yesteryears’ songs. ‘Agale janam mohe bitiya hi keejo’, ‘Main tulsi tere aangan ki’, ‘Thoda hai thode ki zaroorat hai’, etc. I can’t think of anymore, maybe because the titles were too long to remember. (Is it immense love for all those songs, or sheer lack of originality?)
So I thought, why not borrow titles of some popular English songs, and then write up my own plots for them? Humour me, will ya?
# Coming back to life(Pink Floyd)- The hero dies. Then comes back to life. The heroine dies. Then comes back to life. The hero’s Papa, Mummy, Chacha, Chachi, Nana, Nani, Taya, Tai all die. And they come back to life. Right. You get the picture.
# Comfortably numb (Floyd again): No particular plot. It just has to be mind-numbingly stupid. That shouldn’t be too hard.
# You are my dancing queen (ABBA): A dance-based reality show where all the men are dressed as women. (Err..no offence to any particular community).
# Brown girl in the rain(Boney M): The main protagonist is a dark-skinned girl, and the opening shot will show her standing in the rain, getting drenched because no autos or taxis will stop for her, owing to her dark skin. Then she uses fairness creams to lighten her skin, after which she has no dearth of autos and taxis stopping for her.
# Ma Baker(Boney M): The protagonist is a 40-year-old single mother whose husband left her and now she runs a bakery where a lot of happy, smiling, annoyingly-optimistic youngsters hang out, and she’s like a mother hen to all. The bakery will be named ‘Ma’s Bakery’.
# Come on baby light my fire (The Doors): The hero is a fireman. He rescues the heroine from a burning building. Thus starts their ‘lou affair’.
# With or without you (U2): The heroine is dead. The hero can see and talk to her ghost (I refuse to call it a spirit), ala Mohabbatein.
# Time of your life ( Greenday): A sci-fi serial where the characters travel around in a time-capsule, and their adventures. They will wear garish silver colour costumes made of silver craft paper( like the ones we used for our school SUPW projects) and headdresses made of curtains.(Actually, I might want to act in one of these. Just to wear the trendy clothes.)
# Larger than life (Backstreet Boys): Story of a man who is huge, like a giant. Starring the Great Khali.
# Dark side of the moon (Umm..Floyd again, I’m afraid): A young, much-in-love couple meet by the moonlight everyday, and only by the moonlight. Two episodes later, the girl is pregnant. (Yes, apparently, holding hands can get you pregnant).
# Top of the world(The Carpenters): The opening shot will be of the heroine trying to jump off the top of a building to commit suicide, but the hero, a stranger, rescues her.(Don’t ask me how he got there. Does it look like I’m talking logic here?). And they live happily ever after. On the top floor of a building.
# Words (Boyzone): The hero is a writer of dictionaries. Rest is all irrelevant.
# Frozen (Madonna): Story of a company that manufactures freezers. Arch rivals steal their secret! Will they be able to save the formula, or will their dreams remain forever frozen?
Coming soon, on your favourite channel.
(If you've got worse PJ's to contribute, please feel free to use my comment box)