…but DON’T marry him.
When you’re dating, it’s all so cool. You’re proud of the
fact that you’re dating a man who reads a lot. You’re thrilled he has more
books than he has clothes. You find the idea of you and him, cuddled up in bed,
reading, oh-so-romantic. You find that concentration so hot. You’re happy that
when it comes to buying gifts for him, you don’t have to rack your brains too
much; all you have to do is gift him a book, and he’s the happiest man in the
world. You’re already churning up visions of him reading to your children as he
tucks them in at night. All that ‘intelligent’ conversation gives you such a
high. You melt into little pools of adoration when he quotes from your
favourite books, and doesn’t give a second glance at a hot chick passing by
when his nose is buried in a book (alright, I exaggerate here. Such a man does
not exist. Even with his wife sitting next to him, he will still check out
other women. That’s just how they’re wired).
So awesome he is, no?
That’s what I used to think too. I used to find the idea of
a guy who reads very attractive. I still do. Especially since reading isn’t a
habit that men adapt to naturally. Also because none of my exes were much into
reading. They’re a very rare species, the man who likes to read rather than
watch cricket or fiddle around with his tab. I’m not saying they don’t exist,
but they’re quite rare. To be honest, I have always wanted to cuddle up in bed
with my guy, reading, falling asleep with the book open on my face. I have
wished that my boyfriend would be awed when he set his eyes on my collection of
books (which, incidentally, is bigger than my collection of clothes I think),
and would, without wasting an instant, lose himself in them, forgetting about
me altogether (yeah, I’m THAT kind of girl. Ignore me for another girl, I will
punch your face. Ignore me for a book, I can forgive you). But like I said,
none of exes found books as magical and essential as I did. I didn’t grieve too
much about it, though. Because they were awesome in their own ways.
Anyways.
God must have thought, so what if you didn’t date a man who
reads, puttar? I shall get you married to a man who reads. And you both shall
live happily ever after in your home filled with books in every possible nook
and cranny.
And that’s exactly what happened. I got married to a man who
really does have more books than he has clothes. We cuddle up in bed reading,
and when I fall sleep with the book (and my spectacles) on my face, he puts it
away very gently, taking care to not wake me up. While all this is
super-awesome, I soon found out that being married to a man who reads as much
as my husband does, comes with its own share of problems. And what are those,
you ask?
2) Me (in the morning):
Please take the trash out, baby.
S: Hmm (but of course, reading)
Me (in the afternoon): Please take the trash out. (an octave
higher, this one).
S: Ya… (still reading)
Me (in the evening): Take the trash out!!
S: What? Oh, yes. I will.
Me (next day): Take the fucking trash out! I’ve been telling
you since yesterday!
S: Oh sorry. I forgot.
:/
3) The whole family is sitting around talking. Dad, mom,
uncles, aunts, cousins, nieces, nephews, siblings. We’re all meeting after
months. Everyone’s talking at the same time, one over the other. Catching up,
gossiping, laughing. And in the midst of all this, one guy sitting silently with
–yes, you guessed it- his nose buried in a book. Before our last trip to my
native place, I told him that if he did that again, I will throw the book into
the pond in my mom’s house. Surprisingly, it worked.
4) Karma can be a real bitch, you know. For all the times
that I used to pretty much ignore my mom when she tried talking to me during
train journeys because I was too busy reading, God is now paying me back. I get
the royal ignore in the train from S, who takes out a book before the train even
leaves the station. I have had to grab the book from his hands many times and
say to him “Talk to me!”.
5) 8 out of 10 times, he will not be paying attention to
anything I’m saying, because he’s too busy reading. And then when I bring the
same thing up a few days later, he’ll be all “What?? When did this happen?! You
didn’t tell me!!” Umm.. sure I did. Maybe if I had written it in a book and
given it you, you would have remembered it better?
6) Reading
in the toilet. Need I even elaborate?
7) Sweetheart, do you know why I request that we switch off
the lights during sex? Not just because the tubelight is a mood-killer, but
also to make sure that you don’t start reading even during the act, in case a
book is somewhere there in the vicinity. Because frankly, I wouldn’t put it
past you.
8) And to top it all, he has ebooks on his tab as well, which
he will bring out when he doesn’t have a book handy. As if I didn’t have enough
competition already.
9) We were travelling by a night bus to Palakkad a couple of weeks
back. Since it’s a night bus, they’ll obviously switch off the lights. So I
thought “Thank god, at least now he won’t read and will talk to me instead”.
And out comes the stupid fuckall smart phone in which- no prizes for
guessing!!- he has ebooks stored! That pushed me over the threshold. I would’ve
thrown it out of the window if it hasn’t been an AC bus. I made up for that
loss by confiscating the phone and keeping it in my handbag for a while. Can
you imagine!!
So ladies, don’t complain that your guy spends too much time
on his phone and tab. Consider yourself lucky. I, on the other hand, have to
compete with books, magazines, ebooks, newspapers, tabs,
smartphones-with-expandable-memory-that’ll-allow-you-to-store-damn-ebooks, the
internet, brochures, condom packs, cereal cartons, CD covers, Wikipedia, “I
fucking love science”, graffiti on the walls, blah blah blah.
But the silver lining to all this is that I can spend as
much as I want on books and he’ll never ask me why. Ha!
P.S. I love you. Which, by the way, is a book by some lady,
in case you want to read that as well.
